As You Wish

UPDATE: 100 Mini-Goals (or things I reasonably think I can accomplish in the next year)

2012-01-26T00:28:00.000-08:00

100 Mini-Goals (or things I reasonably think I can accomplish in the next year)

Here are my 100 Mini-Goals for the Year 2012 – as I complete them I will update the list with the accomplished on date and will have them crossed out as well. Some of these goals are a little out there, but most of them are definitely doable.

1. ~~Organize books.~~ – done 1JAN2012

2. Organize jewelry.

3. Jump rope once a week for a month.

4. ~~Do 10 sit-ups.~~ – Done 15JAN 2012

5. ~~Do 10 push-ups.~~ – Done 15JAN2012

6. Drink 8 glasses of water a day for a week.

7. Have 1 meatless day a week for a month.

8. Eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables each day for a week.

9. ~~Lose 2lbs.~~ – done 9JAN2012

10. Lose 5lbs.

11. Lose 10lbs.

12. Lose 15lbs.

13. Lose 20lbs.

14. Lose 25lbs.

15. Lose 30lbs.

16. Lose 40lbs.

17. Lose 50lbs.

18. Lose 60lbs.

19. Lose 70lbs.

20. Lose 80lbs.

21. Lose 90lbs.

22. Lose 100lbs.

23. Drink 8 glasses of water a day for a month.

24. ~~Do 50 jumping jacks.~~ – done 15JAN2012

25. Eat 5 servings of fruit and vegetables each day for a month.

26. Sew a pillowcase.

27. Sew a tote bag.

28. Sew an apron.

29. ~~Get eyes checked~~. – done 16JAN2012

30. ~~Get new pair of glasses~~. – done 20JAN2012

31. Go to Thailand.

32. Throw a chili party.

33. Throw a Wii party.

34. Do a blog entry a week.

35. Go to Australia to visit my mom and step-dad.

36. Throw a poker night.

37. Throw a Rock Band party.

38. Go down the stairs in my building in less than 5 minutes.

39. Go up the stairs in my building in less than 30 minutes.

40. Bake Finnish Cardamom Tea Loaf.

41. ~~Walk from home to the Hopewell Centre.~~ – done 16JAN2012

42. Walk from home to the Hopewell Centre and walk home.

43. Pay off La-Z-Boys.

44. Pay off oldest credit card (Visa).

45. Pay off car loan.

46. Pay off second credit card (Visa).

47. Pay off husband’s credit card (MC).

48. Pay off joint credit card (MC).

49. Pay back father.

50. Get dress made for ball.

51. Get new vest made for hubby for ball.

52. Watch all 8 Harry Potter movies in one day.

53. Add calendar reminders to update my 100 mini-goals.

54. Meal plan 3 days a week.

55. Meal plan 4 days a week.

56. Meal plan 5 days a week.

57. ~~Start taking Mandarin lessons~~. – done 4JAN2012

58. Start taking Finnish lessons.

59. Get a manicure.

60. Get a pedicure.

61. Get a facial.

62. Go swimming.

63. Go to the dentist.

64. Sew a quilt.

65. Sew a skirt.

66. Sew a tunic top.

67. Get new pillows.

68. Get twin sheet sets for guest room.

69. Clean kitchen.

70. Clean dining room.

71. Clean living room.

72. Sort out den.

73. Play Biggest Loser on the Wii.

74. Use Walk Away the Pounds dvd twice a week.

75. Use Walk Away the Pounds dvd four times a week.

76. Do 10 minutes or more of exercise a day.

77. Buy a steampunk hat.

78. ~~Buy a watch.~~ – done 9JAN2012

79. Wear a dress or a skirt once a week.

80. Get a massage.

81. Put together a steampunk outfit.

82. Get some “Chinese” clothes made.

83. ~~Watch all of the Lord of the Rings movies in one day~~. – done 24JAN2012

84. Watch all of Firefly and Serenity in one day.

85. Eat vegetarian for a week.

86. Organize a karaoke night.

87. Organize a girl’s night out.

88. Bake a cake from scratch.

89. Bake a pie.

90. ~~Set up the sewing machine~~. – done 25JAN2012

91. Make a homemade pizza.

92. Have a spa day in Shenzhen.

93. Get a lotus flower tattoo.

94. Jump rope twice a week.

95. Do 10 lunges a leg four days a week.

96. Do 10 squats daily.

97. Get a mount for my bike so I can make it a stationary bike.

98. Make a shepherd’s pie.

99. Make a casserole.

100. Make baked macaroni and cheese.

one major step accomplished for 2012

2012-01-25T08:17:00.000-08:00

Thanks to a 5-day weekend (gotta love Hong Kong and Chinese New Year break!) I was able to do a few things at home in between epic sleeping. Seriously - never say no to a 13 hour solid block of sleeping! Your body will thank you for it later.

So far I have managed to accomplish the following this weekend:

set up my new sewing machine (thank you to my little bro for this gift - it rocks!!)
watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy back to back
watched Star Wars IV - VI back to back (original trilogy)
took stock of all of our debts and put them into a snowball spreadsheet
wrote into my date book every pay day and what amount goes to what debt
discussed the debts with my hubby and agreed to the current financial plan
changed the sheets on the bed
got new glasses (actually got 2 pair for under USD $50 with lenses)
got a hair cut (about USD $10 for a good hair cut)
finished off a book

So I feel fairly accomplished - several things are now off my 100 min-goals list which I will be updating tomorrow for you all.

On the finances front I feel pretty solid now. Hubby and I have agreed to the payment plan and if nothing major happens between now and Christmas we should have 3 of 6 debts completely paid off, the other 3 will be paid off by Christmas 2013. The scary thing is that if I didn't have my current job we would not be able to do this. Hopefully hubby will get a job soon out here and we will have even more money to be thrown at this mountain of debt. But all in all we will be paying things off AND still be able to do stuff out here in one of the most expensive cities in the world.

Kung Hei Fat Choi! Happy Year of the Dragon to you all!

Be well,
Buttercupp

561 days to go

2012-01-02T02:41:00.005-08:00

So I feel like a big bloated blob. Good alliteration right? I managed to gain 3.5lbs in two weeks - Merry Christmas to me.

Starting Weight: 283lbs
Current Weight: 286.7lbs
Total Weight Lost: none
Highest Weight: 289lbs
Weight Lost Since Last Week: none

I feel a little disappointed in myself for the gain, but considering that I have not been exercising or eating as I should I guess the gain is to be expected. I am also feeling out of sorts in general, but I think that may be a PMS related thing.

Anyways - here's hoping that tomorrow is a better day and I can stop being little miss grumpy pants...

Be well.
Buttercupp

562 days to go

2012-01-01T10:21:00.000-08:00

So here it is - the first day of 2012. I had a very laid back new year's - playing the Wii at a friend's house, watching fireworks on the roof of our building, and only having 2 glasses of wine and one small glass of champagne. I played Just Dance for the first time and it was so much fun! I was really sweating by the end. I really want to get it, but right now I can't really justify the expense.

I have decided that my weigh in day is going to be Monday. This is mainly so that I am not tempted to overeat on the weekends or slack off. it should keep me honest.

And one quick update to my mini-goal list - I accomplished mini-goal #1 today! And I am almost done with mini-goal #69 - just need to mop the floor and clean the fridge.

I hope that everyone else had a great new years and that you too have come up with your own mini-goals for the coming year.

Be well,
Buttercupp

100 Mini-Goals (or things I reasonably think I can accomplish in the next year)

2011-12-29T19:58:00.000-08:00

1. Organize books.

2. Organize jewelry.

3. Jump rope once a week for a month.

4. Do 10 sit-ups.

5. Do 10 push-ups.

6. Drink 8 glasses of water a day for a week.

7. Have 1 meatless day a week for a month.

8. Eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables each day for a week.

9. Lose 2lbs.

10. Lose 5lbs.

11. Lose 10lbs.

12. Lose 15lbs.

13. Lose 20lbs.

14. Lose 25lbs.

15. Lose 30lbs.

16. Lose 40lbs.

17. Lose 50lbs.

18. Lose 60lbs.

19. Lose 70lbs.

20. Lose 80lbs.

21. Lose 90lbs.

22. Lose 100lbs.

23. Drink 8 glasses of water a day for a month.

24. Do 50 jumping jacks.

25. Eat 5 servings of fruit and vegetables each day for a month.

26. Sew a pillowcase.

27. Sew a tote bag.

28. Sew an apron.

29. Get eyes checked.

30. Get new pair of glasses.

31. Go to Thailand.

32. Throw a chili party.

33. Throw a Wii party.

34. Do a blog entry a week.

35. Go to Australia to visit my mom and step-dad.

36. Throw a poker night.

37. Throw a Rock Band party.

38. Go down the stairs in my building in less than 5 minutes.

39. Go up the stairs in my building in less than 30 minutes.

40. Bake Finnish Cardamom Tea Loaf.

41. Walk from home to the Hopewell Centre.

42. Walk from home to the Hopewell Centre and walk home.

43. Pay off La-Z-Boys.

44. Pay off oldest credit card (Visa).

45. Pay off car loan.

46. Pay off second credit card (Visa).

47. Pay off husband’s credit card (MC).

48. Pay off joint credit card (MC).

49. Pay back father.

50. Get dress made for ball.

51. Get new vest made for hubby for ball.

52. Watch all 8 Harry Potter movies in one day.

53. Add calendar reminders to update my 100 mini-goals.

54. Meal plan 3 days a week.

55. Meal plan 4 days a week.

56. Meal plan 5 days a week.

57. Start taking Mandarin lessons.

58. Start taking Finnish lessons.

59. Get a manicure.

60. Get a pedicure.

61. Get a facial.

62. Go swimming.

63. Go to the dentist.

64. Sew a quilt.

65. Sew a skirt.

66. Sew a tunic top.

67. Get new pillows.

68. Get twin sheet sets for guest room.

69. Clean kitchen.

70. Clean dining room.

71. Clean living room.

72. Sort out den.

73. Play Biggest Loser on the Wii.

74. Use Walk Away the Pounds dvd twice a week.

75. Use Walk Away the Pounds dvd four times a week.

76. Do 10 minutes or more of exercise a day.

77. Buy a steampunk hat.

78. Buy a watch.

79. Wear a dress or a skirt once a week.

80. Get a massage.

81. Put together a steampunk outfit.

82. Get some “Chinese” clothes made.

83. Watch all of the Lord of the Rings movies in one day.

84. Watch all of Firefly and Serenity in one day.

85. Eat vegetarian for a week.

86. Organize a karaoke night.

87. Organize a girl’s night out.

88. Bake a cake from scratch.

89. Bake a pie.

90. Set up the sewing machine.

91. Make a homemade pizza.

92. Have a spa day in Shenzhen.

93. Get a lotus flower tattoo.

94. Jump rope twice a week.

95. Do 10 lunges a leg four days a week.

96. Do 10 squats daily.

97. Get a mount for my bike so I can make it a stationary bike.

98. Make a shepherd’s pie.

99. Make a casserole.

100. Make baked macaroni and cheese.

Be well,

Buttercupp

578 days to get to goal?

2011-12-16T01:22:00.001-08:00

Is 578 days to get to my goal weight realistic? Maybe yes, maybe no. Will I give it a shot? Oh hells yes I will! I figure I need numbers, lists, something to smack in the face to remind me of what I want to do. So I have revised my initial goal date (Christmas of next year) to my birthday in 2013. That is 19 months away, but if I get there faster who will begrudge me that?

So to get there I need to write down everything that I eat, write down my exercise (such as it is), and make sure that I stick to my calorie budget. So far so good. All I need to do really is kick it up a notch…instead of merely tracking my intake I need to plan my intake. Instead of merely logging my exercise I need to plan my exercise and go do it. Instead of hoping to hit my water intake goal I need to make myself do it. Instead of trying to get a minimum of 5+ servings of fruits and veggies I need to really go for it and plug them into my eating plan.

Planning my meals and exercise is something that is anathema to me. I avoid such things like the plague. However if I make myself a work sheet of sorts that I can just check off each thing I find that it works better for me. I think I will have to get myself some small notebook (yay more notebooks – I already carry three in my purse habitually) and create a checklist so that I can mark off my water, veggies, etc. and also so that I can write down what I am eating/doing. I know, I know, there are the online trackers on SP which are awesome as they show me exactly what my calories in and out are, but I just need the actual act of writing things down. I guess I am still a low tech person, an old fashioned kind of girl even with all of the high technology things in my world and the fact that between my husband and I there are more than 8 computers in our lives at present. I guess I am a bit steam punk (embracing new technology, but still loving things a bit old school), just less neo-Victorian than most.

And as a side note – the work Holiday Party was this afternoon and I successfully avoided ALL of the food, but I am currently enjoying my second hot chocolate (224cals for the hot chocolates combined thank you very much!). I won strawberry jam and mini Christmas pudding in the raffle as well. And our Santa gave out boxes of tea (I happened to get a box of Gingerbread Spice – love it!).

Tomorrow night I am going out with a few of the ladies I have made friends with since getting here – it is going to be a night of dancing, drinking, and a little bit of eating. For me it will probably be more dancing than the other two items on the agenda. It should be a good time – I hope!

Be well,

Buttercupp

What’s my motivation?

2011-12-11T23:46:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it sounds like a cheesy line for an actor to say at the start of a movie or something, but sometimes I really do wonder. What IS my motivation? Right now I am motivated to not be the fattest person at work. There are one or two people who are my size or larger, but I definitely feel like an orca swimming next to minnows (great visual right?). I am also motivated to lose weight because there is a history of diabetes and various other diseases related to being overweight. I am motivated by my two boxes of clothes in various sizes – I can go from a size 18 to a 12/10 with at least a few options in each size (my current closet is for a size 22/20). I am motivated by the dream of going shopping in “normal” size store and no longer paying a premium for clothes that do the job instead of look nice. I am motivated to live longer with my awesome husband. I am motivated.

So what’s stopping me from getting up off of my behind and exercising? Laziness. I am simply too tired at the end of the work day to even contemplate working out. I won’t get up early to work out – I am so far from being a morning person I am practically a cliché. I need to work out as soon as I get home from work or else it will not happen.

Last night I could not get to sleep because something was bugging me and for a while I could not figure out what it was. Finally I realized what it was – I was unhappy with myself for not doing anything at all on Sunday. I had literally spent the day in my chair either reading, watching tv, or asleep. So I laid in bed for a while and though about the different exercises I know that I can do: walk, jumping jacks, jump rope, sit ups, and crunches. These are the exercises that I can do in the PRIVACY of my own home. If I get a mount for my bike I will be able to bike at home too without having to buy a stationary bike (make my own!). Right now though (due to the orca-ness of me) I really do need to keep my workouts at home where no one else can see me. Thankfully my hubby won’t mind too much – he is on the computer more than the tv so I will be able to put on my workout dvds (he may even join me_ _ _ pause for effect). I am grateful that he won’t laugh at me when I am doing my workouts – he may mention that I look like I am about to die, but he certainly won’t laugh.

Wish me luck everyone – hopefully tomorrow I will report back that I found my motivation and did at least 10minutes of a workout if not more!

Starting Weight: 283lbs
Current Weight: 282.04lbs
Total Weight Lost: 0.96lbs
Highest Weight: 289lbs
Weight Lost Since Last Week: 2.5lbs

Be well,

Buttercupp

My plans for Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T00:06:00.001-08:00

I know that all of the Americans out there are getting ready for their first big holiday feast – Thanksgiving Day. Typically this is the first of many huge meals where we will gorge until we are full and then have a few more bites of something because this or that is our favorite dish. Well to everyone out there I bid you good tidings.

I will not be joining the traditional gluttony of the season. I am attending a Thanksgiving potluck and I responsible for the cornbread (plain and jalapeño cheese) and a couple of bottles of wine. My plan is simple – one dinner plate for the main meal and a small plate of dessert. No seconds for me. I will only take what I actually want to eat and I will be taking only a single serving of each item. I am also planning on drinking all of my water for the day before we head out to the meal.

I know that there are low calorie options out there for these foods, but truthfully that would just allow me to eat more food. So why not just eat the one plate filled with all of the things that I want and enjoy that instead of stuffing myself because I can? I don’t want to be uncomfortable and I want to actually enjoy myself. I don’t think that I ever enjoyed myself when I was shoveling food into my mouth in years past. I am going to take it slowly this year, drink more water (and some wine), and enjoy the camaraderie of everyone.

So I hope that everyone out there has a great time tomorrow and that you treat yourselves well. I hope to entice some folks out for a walk as well after the meal so hopefully you will all join me as well.

Be well,

Buttercupp

Getting fit in Hong Kong - harder than you might think

2011-11-14T21:42:00.000-08:00

Here are my current statistics –
Starting Weight: 283lbs
Current Weight: 281.16lbs
Total Weight Lost: 1.84lbs
Highest Weight: 289lbs
Weight Lost Since Last Week: 0.22lbs

Is the amount lost disappointing? Well, duh! But at least it is a loss. I did not get super exercisey this past week and I did not do as well as I would have liked in my food intake. I did track all of my food and water. I did track all of my exercise. I did consciously make an effort to walk a little more than usual whenever possible.

Today I walked to Starbucks down the road from my office. Granted I was huffing and puffing on the walk. However, I am very proud that I did it. Even at my size I did the walk and didn't feel too much like dieing. I had a flash of that feeling when I got back to the office and I realized that my left ankle is buggered again, but truthfully it felt good.

So now to the title of this post - "Getting fit in Hong Kong - harder than you might think." Hong Kong is a town where you need to walk to get anywhere. There are hills all over the place and all sorts of overpasses and underpasses for people to use to get from point A to point B. You would think that I would be walking everywhere out here.  That is sadly not the case. Taxis are cheap and plentiful. The buses and minibuses are also cheap and run relatively close to their scheduled times. The MTR (the metro/subway system out here) works really well and is always cheap. Put simply the public transportation makes it hard to walk anywhere because it is faster and easier to hop on something for a few blocks than it is to try to navigate the roads to get anywhere! This is also a foodie's dream location.  There are tons of restaurants, bars, and stores selling all sorts of food. I gained some weight when we got here (not sure how much as we did not have a scale) simply because of all of the food.  A word of caution to anyone coming out here - bring sneakers to walk in or your feet will hate you. Also be prepared to eat all sorts of things.

I am starting my fourth month here in Hong Kong and am prepared to start paying for myself to get healthier. I think that my treat should I get to my goal weight by Christmas of next year will need to be something exceptionally awesome.  Perhaps a trip or a spa package. I don't know yet what I will dangle in front of myself as a carrot to get the job done, but it needs to be something that I really want so that I can truly kick my ass into gear. I am definitely seeing a return on my efforts thus far - I feel better, I am able to walk a little farther now, I am learning to enjoy a nice a glass of water or tea instead of a soda, and I am rediscovering fruit and vegetables. Today's fruit is pineapple and it is luscious! I will have to start paying more for the healthier foods, but it is worth it in the end I believe so that I can live longer and better. Plus I am damn cute when I am thin;o)

Be well,
         Buttercupp

Getting it done

2011-11-08T23:51:00.000-08:00

So I realized yesterday that I had not gone out to do any intentional exercise on Monday. Yikes! Then again my work had been 7:45 to 18:45…if I remember rightly I came home and passed out on my chair. Never a good sign.

Yesterday I did some intentional exercise in the rain – I went for a walk. It is not the most glamorous look, but the occasional walk in the rain is good for you I think. Today I will be doing some heavy duty cleaning of my apartment. We are near the end of our pipe replacement project and there is a film of dust and crud on the floors and countertops. It’s gross and yesterday I took off my socks to walk around the apartment and all I could feel was grittiness. It was nasty.

On a positive note – I am enjoying my teas again. If I can get some decaf tea bags out here I might start making iced tea that can sit in the fridge – nothing better than a nice cool glass of iced tea after a long walk! I have delved into my tea collection and have started drinking peppermint tea in the afternoons to perk me up a bit. It has no caffeine, but the mint just snaps me awake.

I truly need to get a program sorted out for myself. My breakfasts are good as is my water intake. I am very aware of what I eat before I eat as I know whatever goes in my mouth needs to be written down! I still need to work on my exercise or lack thereof. I have been using exhaustion as an excuse lately to not go out much. I really do need to start putting on my workout gear and doing the stairs when I get home each day and on the weekends I need to leave the apartment and just go. It doesn’t really matter what my destination is, I just need to move. That’s the key – just moving.

I will be getting it done from here on out. I need to see the numbers continue on a downward trend. When we flew out to Hong Kong from the US I knew I would be uncomfortable at my size, but little did I know just how bad it was going to be. I cannot fly at that size again – it was too hard on me.

Here are my current statistics –
Starting Weight: 283lbs
Current Weight: 281.38lbs
Total Weight Lost: 1.62lbs
Highest Weight: 289lbs
Weight Lost Since Last Week: 1.62lbs

Be well,
Buttercupp

I’m on my way

2011-11-07T01:10:00.001-08:00

Yes folks – I have finally done it! I am down 1.62lbs or 0.7kg. And I am EXTREMELY excited by that loss. I have been tracing faithfully and have been VERY honest about my calories in and out (some days have been embarrassing to track, but it is in there).

I have 26.38lbs or 1stone 12.38lbs or 11.9kg to go to get to my first 10% goal. It’s doable! I was bouncing up and down today after I weighed in – my hubby was bleary eyed and congratulated me before laying down again.

We are looking into a local meal delivery program called Eat Right. As we cannot get the prepared meals that we are used to getting back in the States we are going with a Hong Kong alternative – delivery! There are a couple of plans, but I think that depending on the cost that we will go with the lowest cost plan which covers 5 days with 2 meals and 2 snacks per day. We have tried their restaurant food (delivered of course) and we like most of it so we thought we would try them out. They profess to offer a service that caters to your likes and dislikes and according to your dietary needs. So hopefully they will be portion controlling things for me and making sure that I see no mushrooms.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Be well,

Buttercupp

10% goal and a whiteboard

2011-11-04T02:12:00.001-07:00

I have decided that looking at the whole dropping 50% of my current weught is too huge a goal right now. It is too large and too daunting to stare at in the face. Instead I am going to work on losing 10% of my current weight. That is still a HUGE amount, but much easier to approach than the 140lbs or 10stone or 63.6kg.

As of my last weigh-in I need to try to drop 28lbs or 2stone or 12.7kg. So that's a much nicer number to face. I am going to set-up my small white board at home so that I can have a countdown on it and take pictures each week of the status. It is a little ridiculous, but I need a visual aid like that to really keep me focused on the task at hand.

I hope that this goal will be realised within the next 3 months as it would be nice to be at that point before we go to Thailand to visit some friends. For those that are curious - flights from Hong Kong to Thailand are really affordable (should you ever be going from one to the other).

Baby Steps

2011-11-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

Baby steps are how I need to proceed in my efforts.

Baby step # 1 – Eat Breakfast.
I now have a good set breakfast/snacking option in the morning for work days – 30 almonds and 6 prunes. They are strangely satisfying. I have actually been doing that for almost 2 full weeks now. It's not a sexy meal, but it is one that I can commit to while at work. So that's baby step #1 complete.

Baby step #2 – Drink 8 or More Glasses of Water a Day.
I have been pretty consistent lately with drinking my water. Adding a little flavoring helps quite a bit I have found. I drink my minimum 8 glasses a day every day. I am working on upping my water intake to 10 to 16 glasses a day, but I am happy with what I have accomplished so far. Baby step #2 is done.

Baby step #3 – Exercise Daily.
I am still working on this one. It is the hardest one for me by far simply because I hate exercise. But I am trying to suck it up and do it. I am starting to walk at home by going up and down the stairs in my building or by walking in place while watching a tv show or by using the Walking Away The Pounds dvd I have in my collection. I think I just need to come up with fun walks for myself in the neighborhood. Baby step #3 is in progress.

Baby step #4 – Track Calories In.Well, this one is really easy for me. I track my food on SP using the Nutrition Tracker. It works great. If I do not have access to a computer I just pull out a notebook and write down what I am eating (before I actually order or eat it) so that I can input the information later. It really helps! This was probably the easiest one for me to do as I always have a notebook with me (if not 3) and I remember that when I had previously successfully lost weight it was through tracking my food intake. So this baby step is done as well.

Baby step #5 – Tracking Calories Out.This goes along with Baby step #3, but I wanted to put this one separately as it is a separate issue. First I need to get off my butt to do the exercise. Then I need to record it honestly. What I think is extreme effort is probably only mild effort in reality. So I am making sure that I track how long I did whatever exercise and the true exertion level. I am tracking this well just like my calorie intake. Step #5 is done!

Baby step #6 – Don’t Sweat The Bumps in The Road.I am starting to deal with this one. I was pissed at myself for not doing as much exercise as I wanted to the past few days, but I did do some. So it wasn’t exactly right, big deal! I am trying not to beat myself up when I goof on exercise or overeat. The fact that I actually am tracking what I am doing is a big improvement over how I was a month ago. Step #6 will continue to be a work in progress.

So the Baby Steps that I have are being conquered, but the consistency that I have established in tracking my calories in and calories out needs to be brought to the others as well.

What Baby Steps are you taking towards your goals?
Be well,
Buttercupp

Time and again

2011-10-27T00:24:00.001-07:00

Calorie intake for Wednesday – 2275cals

Calories out for Wednesday – 194cals (15mins of dancing)

Not impressive, but I am happy that I got in at least some activity. Today I have planned to dance a little more (around the house while listening to my ipod) and I also plan on doing the stairs in my building. It’s a 25 story building so I figure if I walk down to ground level, walk up to the 25^th floor, walk down to ground level, and then walk to my floor (18) that I will have done a good workout. I anticipate it taking me 15mins or so, but if it’s more then I will just adjust my tracker accordingly!

Time and again I started a diet and thought that the word was so evil. But then I looked up what it actually means. The word diet means: 1)food and drink regularly provided or consumed and 2)habitual nourishment. The origin of the word: Middle English diete, from Anglo-French, from Latin diaeta, from Greek diaita, literally, manner of living, from diaitasthai to lead one's life. So I am not really “going on a diet”, I am just changing my diet. I think that if you look at it in that way you realize that it is not forcing yourself to do something hard. You just have to look at what you have been consuming and switch it up a bit. I have already switched up my breakfast and snacks – I am grazing on almonds and prunes instead of rolls with cheese. I am allowing myself to enjoy a few smaller treats like a serving of Goldfish crackers and a higher quality chocolate than I would normally purchase, but a smaller amount of it instead of the larger cheaper chocolate bar.

I need to come up with a cheap treat for myself as a reward. Perhaps something like a song from itunes or a manicure. Hmm…

How do you treat yourself?

Be well,

Buttercupp

Feeling FAT

2011-10-26T02:16:00.000-07:00

argh.

I gained weight this week - I am up 1.8lbs right now. I am at 283lbs / 20st 3lbs / 128.6kg.

3390 cals in yesterday with none out.

My super plan fell through the cracks once again because I didn't feel like it.

I have some new stresses to deal with, but if I just get off my fat ass and work out some I will actually get where I need to be. My calories were bad yesterday as it was another quickie meal for us. And of course feeling like poo just made me want to eat everything.

So what am I going to do? Every day seems like I am just trying to psych myself up to get moving and get eating right. And it really is just that. I am sorry that I am venting so much, but I don't want to do this at my co-workers or my husband. And I figure that some of you have been where I am at. I guess the biggest step has already been taken - getting on here and tracking everything. I need to get moving on to the next step and the next step, etc.

How did you do it? Seriously - how did you get to the next step?

Tuesday fright

2011-10-25T00:32:00.000-07:00

Calories in for Monday - 2262. Calories out – a big whopping nothing. I don’t count my walking around my work building as it is very little walking and not intentional walking. I am only tracking the walking and activity that I do when I am purposefully moving myself around. I think that is the right way to go about it – right?

So yesterday I came home totally shattered from my day, sat down in my chair and promptly fell asleep. When I woke up I was starving so we ordered dinner as neither of us felt like cooking and we watched a movie before heading to bed. All thoughts of exercise just flew out of my head entirely.

Today I have a plan! After work I am going to go home, change, walk over to the grocery store with my hubby, lug the groceries back home, get dinner into the oven, go out for my walk, and then come home just in time for dinner (which will be monitored by my hubby while I am out walking). Then it’ll be time for tv and movies with our neighbours.

We are also having home repairs done starting tomorrow and ending the middle of next month. This will cause the house to get a little more messy than usual and some rooms will be unusable so we will hopefully be out and about more. This is the fright that I mentioned in my blog title – there will be so much mess and mayhem involved… But if this is what I have to deal with to get clean water – I am super happy! The water coming out of our taps has been yellow since we got here and they finally have funding to make the repairs to the building.

Hope you all have a great Tuesday wherever you are in the world!

Be well,

Buttercupp

Doing well I think

2011-10-24T00:19:00.000-07:00

Here is my calories in and calories out information for the last three days:
Friday
- 2590cals IN
- 198cals OUT (30mins of slow walking)
Saturday
- 2249cals IN
-792cals OUT (120mins of slowish walking - faster than Friday's walking)
Sunday
- 1375cals IN
- 2538cals OUT (180mins of hiking)

On Friday night I ended up having 3 beers, two pretzels, and some sweet mustard with the pretzels. Not a big blow-out like I thought might happen so I feel good about that. Also the walking around for 30mins trying to find the place kind of killed my mood to drink loads as I was hot and sweaty. The Hong Kongers didn't really seem to understand the German drinking songs or the dancing, but the expats in the crowd did their part:o)

I am using no sugar added Robinson's squash to help me drink my water every day (about 5cal a serving). This is my third day using it in my water and I am doing pretty well. I am almost done with my big bottle of water and it's not even the end of my work day! I am quite proud of that. I may try to drink another big bottle of water once I get home. I am sure that if I lose weight this week it will be water weight mainly. And next week it will also be water weight. But the week after that it should be actual fat melting away.

I am sure you have noticed the crazy exercise numbers above. I feel proud at having done that, but I am also very aware that I need to keep it up. Realistically though I don't think I can keep up the pace I had on Sunday, but maybe I can do Saturday's time with a faster pace. I think I will go for a walk after work today - just down the road and back again, but it is a heck of a walk! If I can get at least a 30min walk out of it that will be great. I will try to see if my husband will join me, but he has been feeling a little under the weather lately so I won't push it.

I hope that everyone had a wonderful weekend! Drink your water folks!!

Be well,
Buttercupp

ps - I am weighing in this evening so I will have a weight update tomorrow!

Friday fever!

2011-10-21T00:42:00.000-07:00

Well, Yesterday was better than the day before – my total calories consumed was 3090. Now if I could just half that I would be a picture of health…maybe.

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but I walked for a total of 30 minutes yesterday. That is 25minutes more than earlier in the week and the walking was INTENTIONAL walking! So that’s a little better.

I know that tonight will be a bad night calorie-wise as I am going to an Octoberfest celebration (yes, I know it’s a little late, but tell it to the folks out here in HK). I do intend to enjoy the beer and possibly a few pretzels and sausages. A bonus though is that I will have to walk a while to get to the location as I need to get to the ferry and then from the ferry terminal on to the destination. A bunch of folks from work are going to this shindig, including a few that I will call friends so hopefully it will be a good time.

I do intend to behave myself…well, mostly;-) My hubby will be joining me as well so I know that between the two of us we can have a good time.

This weekend promises to be a busy one. Tomorrow we are going out to find a tailor and a dressmaker as we need a tuxedo and a dress made for a ball we are attending next month. We also need to find Halloween costume pieces as we are going to two Halloween events – one for adults only and one the following day for kids where we are volunteers. However, the same people will be at both so wearing the same costume could be a little lame. And after that I need to get to work on sorting out our apartment as it still looks like a disaster zone. We got our shipment two weeks ago today and the kitchen is squared away, but I really want everything else done so that we can start to invite people over to say thank you.

Hope everyone else has great plans for the weekend! I plan on walking my buns off!

Be well,
Buttercupp

"Have fun storming the castle!"--Miracle Max

Getting it wrong?

2011-10-20T00:37:00.000-07:00

No excuses – I ate 4343calories yesterday because I wanted to. I honestly had no idea I had eaten that much until I plugged in my food. Yikes! I was taken out for a work lunch and the results really speak for themselves. I got no exercise in yesterday. I did rearrange my china cabinet and I moved around my books between four rooms, but I am not counting that as exercise as I was not doing those activities with the intention of it being my exercise for the day. (ramble much? Yeesh)

Today I am doing pretty well. I was asked to breakfast by a co-worker so I went down and had 2 eggs, bacon, a bite of toast, and some coffee and a grapefruit soda (if you’re in HK look for it – it’s nice). For lunch I had a cup of rice, steamed vegetables, and 2tbsp of soy sauce with a diet coke. I was informed that I was eating too little by someone at lunch. I let them know what I had had for breakfast and they still said that I was eating too little. I mentioned that I had dinner plans with my husband so I needed to save room/calories. But in my head I was just thinking – what business is it of theirs? Do I need approval from all and sundry for my eating habits? Answer – no, I don’t need anyone’s approval for my eating habits. Yes, they have pretty screwed up for a while, but I am becoming more cognizant of what I am eating thanks to tracking my food so I am definitely starting to get it together. (By the way, I bought my lunch for the equivalent of USD$4.50 which was pretty good in my opinion for HK).

Being more mindful really is the biggest step of all. Tracking my calorie intake and any calories burned is hard work, but by doing it I am aware of my pitfalls and temptations. I just need to find a non-food based reward for me for each time I do well exercise-wise and food-wise (not going over my calorie budget). Temptations beware! I am going to start saying no in a big way.

How do you deal with your temptations?

Be well,
Buttercupp

Kermit: [to audience] I hope you appreciate that I'm doing all my own stunts.

Calorie Overload

2011-10-19T02:00:00.000-07:00

So my first day back on the wagon and I managed to eat 3121 calories! I tracked all of my calories though so that’s something! And the why behind what I ate is simple – I wanted to eat it. And my exercise was pitiful - only 5 minutes of stairs. Truthfully though it was 5 more minutes than the previous day so that’s something.

I think what I need to do is to get off my butt every day and walk the stairs in my building. I live in Hong Kong right now and my apartment is on the 18^th floor. If I can manage to walk down the stairs without getting too winded I will try to go up the stairs. Stairs are the devil!

Exercise is one of those things that I just abhor. However, I also remember the satisfaction of completing my exercise for the day (whatever I have slotted in). I think I need to get back to that. Reminding myself of that feeling and trying to get it every day. Plus it should also help my knees and hips to stop hurting. Carrying around twice your recommended body weight is a heck of a task…

Not to worry friends I am tracking everything that goes into my mouth. I guess I should try to track before I eat instead of after I eat so that I am more aware of how many calories I have left so that I don’t blow the rest in one or two bites!

Be well,
Buttercupp

Re-start 2011

2011-10-17T23:11:00.000-07:00

As with any typical yo-yo dieter I abandoned hope last year, gorged, and have ended up back at the unhealthy end of the scale. Am I upset with myself? Yeah, I am. But I am lacing up my shoes again and getting back on the road to getting fit.

I need to lose about half of my body weight - I am currently at 281lbs and I would like to get down to 140lbs. I would also like to try to get there by Christmas of next year. Madness you say? Perhaps. But I am trying to average a loss of 2.5lbs a week which should be doable according to the Sparkpeople planner. I also know that once I get on a roll the pounds will fly off for the first few months and then I will have to kick my own butt to keep them flying off.

What do I need from you all? Encouragement. Plain and simple. I need the kudos when I do well and I would love advice for when I screw up. I will try to post my calorie totals for the previous day at the start of each post so that you know what I did. If I go over my calorie budget I'll let you know why - not to excuse it, but so that you can see where the real world comes at me.

There are things that I am going to try to stop eating, but really I just need to re-learn the trick of moderation. I don't want to say no to food, but I know I need to watch myself as my portions have gone nuts. Re-learning the tricks of healthy people...

Let's see how it goes and I hope that you will be along for the ride!

Be well,
Buttercupp

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Well, I'm just bubbly with excitement.

I'm back. And the pig is staying!

2011-05-30T00:06:00.000-07:00

Hopefully those of you that are Muppets fans will recognize the slightly altered quote above from Muppets Take Manhattan and will forgive me for the liberties taken:o)

I have had an eventful six to eight months. We had our wedding ceremony in October and it was amazing. Even with the drama that was there it was fantastic. We then moved to Austin - the city is great and we have made some great friends here. We were in a crap apartment for a while, but at the start of the month we moved to a much better apartment (better complex, better lay out, and lower cost). I also was offered my dream job which I have of course accepted. There is however a catch to the dream job. I have to go for at least 6 weeks of training before being told where I am being sent for my first assignment. Which is good and bad. Good in that I will have the opportunity to travel, bad in that Wesley may not be able to go with me to some posts because of his breathing problems and his own weight issue.

But on the positive side this also gives the two of us 6 weeks of not being distracted by the other (wink, wink) enough to get into a work out schedule. He will be working out and watching his diet and I will be doing the same. I will also be dealing with a regimented schedule that will make me have to be more careful with my food intake so I think that will help me out a fair bit.

I weighed myself last week Friday and I weighed in at 131.1kgs or 288.4lbs or 20st 8.4lbs. That is my highest recorded weight. Sad but true. We lapsed into the "typical" gaining weight as newlyweds thing. But now we are kicking our own butts and are starting to lose weight. This Friday I weighed in at 127.1kgs or 279.6lbs or 19st 13.6lbs. So I lost 4kgs or 8.8lbs. Not bad for only tracking my food this week I think.

I am committing to the following:

tracking my food honestly and fully - every bite and sip will be logged
tracking my exercise
doing my exercise
taking time to enjoy myself
reminding myself that I am doing this to take care better care of me

Thanks everyone for reading - I hope to inspire someone eventually with my progress. I want to show that even with a backslide that you can come out the other side a happier and healthier self.

Be well,
Buttercupp

Kermit the Frog: I'm staying! You hear that, New York? THE FROG IS STAYING!

full disclosure time

2011-03-25T22:15:00.000-07:00

Good news friends! No surgery needed at this time. The doctor checked out my healing wound and said it looked good for now. But now I need to check the area once a month (at least) for any bumps or if it should re-fill. Then I get to run back to the surgeon and get a surgery immediately. Whee....But no surgery now! Yay! AND I can sleep on my back again - so very very nice:o)

I finally got back on the scale and I am just a hair under 285lbs. So I have managed to gain about 55lbs from last year at this time. Not good. Not good at all. Westley has also been gaining and is quite unhappy about it. So we have both given the other permission to point out when we are doing bad things (over eating, etc.). We even have a code word/phrase -"pickle" or "are you sure you want pickles with that?". It is a reference to a quote that accurately talks about people who have never had weight problems/food issues, a.k.a. cucumbers, and those that have weight problems/food issues, a.k.a pickles. A cucumber can become a pickle, but a pickle can never go back to being a cucumber. We are going to gently nudge each other in the right direction and we will get to our fit place when we get there. Yay for togetherness and being resolute in our convictions.

We have also become much more social thanks to a site called Meetup. If you have been feeling like trying something new or like you need to find others that think like you do then this is the place. There are hiking groups, book clubs, wine clubs, sci-fi clubs, and more! We have found a group of folks that are "our" kind of people - geeky and into sci-fi and also like to rib each other and the shows they are watching. We have made some good friends in the past month or so since we started going to the meetups and it's nice to have something fun and out of the house to look forward to every week. I really recommend it. I went to a few health and fitness related ones and found the other people either a little too hippie or a little too aggro-fit so my round self did not fit in. (FYI - aggro-fit is when people are aggressively fit and will not tailor workouts to allow for the newbies to come up to speed).

Ok, so to sum up - my butt is healing, I have gained a lot of weight, I am working on dropping the weight, and have made some new friends. In a month we are moving to a new apartment - hopefully with less smoke coming into our AC system and fewer cop visits to our street:o)

Be well,
Buttercupp

And now for a Firefly quote:

Wash: "Yeah well, if she doesn't give us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn through, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting."

Mal: "Define interesting."

Wash: "Oh god oh god we're all gonna die?"

Mal: "This is the captain. We have a...little problem with our engine sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then...explode."

Do or do not. There is no try. - Yoda

2011-03-10T20:41:00.000-08:00

Well, I was on a roll for a while there. I was doing well going through my stuff and starting on getting healthier. And then life just goes and gives you a big "F*&K YOU!". Turns out that the thing I thought was just a re-occurring bit of acne is actually a cyst. Unfortunately it is an extremely sensitive area - it's in the butt crack zone....yep... I have seen two doctors and the last one (a surgeon) says that it may not be a pilonidal cyst (gross) and he is calling it a buttock cyst. If it comes back again then he will have to do surgery on me and cut a chunk of flesh out of my butt. So in 11 days I will get the good or bad news as to how it is going. All I can say right now is that it hurts to sit, I cannot lie down on my back, and it hurts to walk up and down stairs. Thank goodness for my wonderful husband Westley and his ability to be able to handle the gross situation and change my dressings every day.

Other than that things are going pretty well. I cut my hair short again - I may actually post my picture on here as a before and after for you all. I got tired of dealing with the bangs and the long hair so I just lopped it all of again. I like the short hair, but I think I actually need to start wearing makeup as the hair cut apparently highlights my features enough so that it is obvious that I am not wearing any (or so I have been told).

We are gearing up for our move at the end of April. Thank goodness we are leaving where we are as the neighbours seem to be getting shadier...And our LaZBoys will be showing up next week (or so the store claims). So we will finally have living room furniture other than our computer desks and chairs.

In an effort to keep things simple for myself I threw out all of my old socks. I went to Target and bought myself a 6 pack of short white socks, a 6 pack of white crew socks, and a 3 pack of black short socks. Not exciting, but it will suffice. And when they start getting worn out it will cost me less than $20 to replace them all.

I am going to try to get to Goodwill finally tomorrow or on the weekend to donate the bedding, clothes, and towels that we have put together. I keep walking past the piles of stuff and wish they were gone so that it could be easier to navigate this apartment.

I'll be back soon enough. I feel the need to share more on here.

Sorry if I grossed you out at the top...it's the yuck that I have to deal with right now. But such is life.
Be well,
Buttercupp

Do or do not. There is no try. - Yoda

chopping off my hair and other fun stuff

2011-02-17T19:17:00.000-08:00

I have officially hit the time of getting annoyed with my hair. I have decided that bangs are really not for me - too much time and effort needed to keep them looking decent. I am going to probably get my hair chopped to a pixie cut. It's a bit dramatic, but I am trying to effect change in my life. And yes, by cutting my hair that is a good catalyst to get other things going in my life.

My husband and I were looking for a new apartment as our lease is up at the end of April and we don't like the complex we are living in. When you a pay a premium for a gated community you expect the gates to function all of the time. Our neighbours have been visited by the cops more than three times and we have only lived here since the start of November. I am not comfortable with our current complex and while the convenience of having the supermarket just around the corner will be sorely missed I am happy that we were approved for the next complex. It does not have security gates, but it does have a sheriff's officer on site as there are commercial properties on site as well. Bonus - we will live near a Subway sandwich shop. Also there is a 24 hour gym on site that has a no children policy. AND we get an apartment on the second floor with a balcony. It's a smaller apartment, but a much much better lay out for us. Plus if we pay $50 they'll paint a wall in the living room a gorgeous red colour that they will then correct when we move out. PLUS we are allowed to put up shelves on the wall - I am excited about that:o) So yeah, we are moving at the end of April, but we plan on signing a long lease with the complex if we can. It just seems like our kind of place if that makes sense.

As far some of my plans for the year go - I am progressing slowly, but there is progress. Westley and I have decided to get rid of our duvets and the duvet cover sets as they take up so much room. I have gotten a lot of use out of them (they were mine really) and we are trying to get things that are ours and only what we actually need. So right now we are getting rid of the following: a full size and a king size duvet; about eight duvet covers and their matching pillowcases; a set of four purple towels; a set of rainbow towels - 2 bath, 2 hand, and 2 washcloths; a rainbow shower curtain; and possibly two flannel king size duvet covers (not sure about those yet). Sorry if the detail is a little much:o) I have already thrown out some old junk jewellery and have set aside some clothes as well. Instead of even trying to do a garage sale or Craigslist our stuff I think that we are just going to donate everything to Goodwill (I like what they do with the money they raise). It's easier and it will do some good for us as well as the people that will get the goods.

Westley and I are definitely committed to simplifying our lives. We are going to get rid of the linens and blankets I mentioned above, some clothes, and even (gasp) some books. We are trying to keep things simple and to do so we need to get rid of some stuff. Hopefully I will be able to update you guys next time on our downsizing of stuff.

On the food and weight loss side - I have been monitoring my weight daily and while it has not been a great downhill stride I have been maintaining. So maintenance is a good thing. Now if I keep my food intake about the same, but up my exercise. We'll see what happens. I am also thinking of getting a tattoo to commemorate my highest recorded weight and put it somewhere that I can see every day. Not sure where to put it that would still be discreet. I'll have to work on that...

Anyway - I hope that you all have been doing well and are happy on your current paths.

be well,
Buttercupp

quickie update

2011-02-09T09:49:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone - just dropping you all a quick note to let you know how I am doing. Work still blows, but I am doing my best to keep my head above water. I am considering the idea of going into advocacy work - something with health or the LGBT community. I am not sure what exactly, but there has to be something better out there that I can do that I truly believe in.

I weighed myself yesterday at 17:00 and am going to weigh myself everyday at that time for a while to see how my weight fluctuates. I weighed in at 125.1 kg which is 275.22lbs or 19st 9.22lbs. I am obese and I am working on changing that. I am looking around the internet for workouts that I realistically think I can do and that I can commit to.

Westley and I have decided to try the 3-2-5 plan with HMR at home aka Healthy Solutions. That's 3 shakes, 2 meals, and 5 servings of fruit and vegetables. Right now I am concerned with the cost of it, but it will end up being cheaper than going out or getting delivery food all the time. I am hoping that i will be able to report a positive result after doing this for a while.

I have been watching Biggest Loser and Heavy. They are two shows about obese people getting healthier. One has a monetary prize and the other is about making positive changes for yourself. I think that Heavy is a better show as it is less fat-bashy than BL. I'll be writing a longer post about these two shows and will have links to their official sites in that post.

I will be giving you all an update post on my goals for the year (not resolutions!) either this week or next. There are good things afoot in some departments:)

Just wanted to let you all know that things are moving ahead here with only a modicum of falling back.

Be well,
Buttercup

A few weeks in - how am I doing?

2011-01-17T20:11:00.000-08:00

It's a few weeks into 2011 and how am I doing? Well, I am confronting my F.B.I. (Fat B*tch-Itis) head on. I have eaten like a senseless person this past weekend when I went to visit my sister and other family. I recognized it as I was doing it. Not before, but once I was halfway through the meal. It's sad, but true. I just couldn't stop myself. My sister also has a weight issue and is working on getting more healthy herself. But when the two of us get together (Westley too) all healthy habits seems to go out the window and I don't think either of us really noticed it before, but it dawned on me on the drive back home today that it happens every time.

I found out a disturbing piece of information. I am now a size 20 in jeans. That is the largest I have ever been. It is also the largest that I ever will be. One of my best friends is getting married in November and has asked me to be her maid of honour. I am so happy and thrilled to be her support person, but I also realize that I am embarrassed about how I look right now. I am grateful that I have 10 months or so to get into shape and save up the money for the wedding and festivities surrounding it. I am planning to pre-pay the hotel where we will be staying so that I won't have to worry about it at that time. I am also planning on buying the bridesmaid dress I need to have in March at my current (at that time) size and then have it taken in in October once I have had time to slim down some. We'll see how that goes;o)

Here is my list of goals for 2011 with a mini-update for each one:

get down to a size 12 or less --- found out that I am a size 20. I need to drop 4 sizes to get to my goal.
get into a regular exercise schedule --- I have new sneakers, now I just need to get my ass out the door.
watch what I eat better --- doing this slowly. Stopped myself from getting the worst burger on the menu, but still didn't do well.
reduce my wardrobe down to what I actually love and wear, keeping only a few things that I cannot wear due to sentimental reasons --- I have pulled out a few things already and am slowly going through it all.
put all of my books and dvds on a list - so that I can stop myself from buying something twice---haven't started this yet
keep myself to my 25 pairs of shoes limit---bought some plastic shoeboxes from my sister for my shoes so I can put 20 pairs in the boxes and keep to my 25 shoe limit
go through my knickknacks and reduce what I have - again keep what I love---have started looking through my things and am starting to make decisions
reduce my jewelery collection - keep the good pieces and chuck the junk---already started chucking the junk away
get a sewing machine and learn to sew---researching sewing machines
work on my jewelery making - get better at it and maybe sell it---made myself a pair of earrings and a necklace that I wore this weekend, I liked them:o)
be more open - to new things, with people...---looking for things to do in our new home town to go meet people
travel out of the USA with my husband to show him some of my favourite places and people and go to new places together---working on getting his certified birth certificate so that we can get our passports and go on our first trip out of the country
inspire someone to make their lives better---hopefully I helped to inspire my sister a little this weekend when I told of my goals for the year
help my best friend with her wedding as much as she needs me to---spoke with her and her fiancee today to find out more of what's happening, so far I know I need to be in town a few days before the wedding
get out of credit card debt---paying things off one small payment at a time. We plan on using most of our tax refund on paying off as much as we can while holding some money in reserve for emergencies

So I am progressing slowly down my list. I hope to be able to update you all a little better soon.

mmmm...

2010-12-30T20:53:00.000-08:00

Today I discovered an awesome food combination - fresh raspberries and Ben&Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch ice cream. Yes my f.b.i. came out again. And it was a glorious mixture:o)

And it looks like 5 trips to the dmv might do the trick. We go at the crack of dawn!

Be well,
Buttercup

Westley: Hear this now: I will always come for you.
Buttercup: But how can you be sure?
Westley: This is true love - you think this happens every day?

how many trips to get a license?

2010-12-29T19:26:00.000-08:00

Oi!
So I have been to the DMV out here every day this week and have to go back again tomorrow. First day - I got the paperwork. Second day - I handed in the paperwork and paid the fee. Third day/today - I took the written test. Fourth day/tomorrow - I take the driving test. Why is it taking so long? Well, I work every day until after 3pm and they close at 5pm. The lines have been out the door every single time we have been there. I actually have to send my husband in to get my name on the list for the driving test tomorrow so that I can actually get it accomplished this week. I start work before their office opens and I finish work about 10mins before their last driving test appointment. I am taking some personal time tomorrow in order to get the test taken care of. All of this so that I can drive on Friday night and let my husband enjoy himself! I will also be enjoying myself- just with less booze;o)

I hope that the test goes well tomorrow so that I don't need to re-do it (I get so nervous with tests). But we drove around the neighbourhood around the test center so I feel that I will be able to handle the test fairly well - yay for a residential neighbourhood.

So - how many trips will it take for me to get a license? I'll let you all know tomorrow....

Be well,
Buttercup

"Inconceivable!"--Vizzini

Back to basics

2010-12-28T19:23:00.000-08:00

I'm a slacker. There, I said it. I am lazy, lazy, lazy... I had the craziness of the wedding, family drama, friend drama, moving, and a tendency to work too long during the day to name just a few things in my way of my goals.

So it's the week after Christmas and a few days before the end of 2010 and the start of 2011. Like many folks I am writing things down that I want to accomplish in the next year. I hope that my friends and family will help me out when I need it/ask for it and I hope that I can be there for them as they need me.

Things I would like to accomplish in 2011:

get down to a size 12 or less
get into a regular exercise schedule
watch what I eat better
reduce my wardrobe down to what I actually love and wear, keeping only a few things that I cannpt wear due to sentimental reasons
put all of my books and dvds on a list - so that I can stop myself from buying something twice
keep myself to my 25 pairs of shoes limit
go through my knickknacks and reduce what I have - again keep what I love
reduce my jewelery collection - keep the good pieces and chuck the junk
get a sewing machine and learn to sew
work on my jewelery making - get better at it and maybe sell it
be more open - to new things, with people...
travel out of the USA with my husband to show him some of my favourite places and people and go to new places together
inspire someone to make their lives better
help my best friend with her wedding as much as she needs me to
get out of credit card debt

That's a lot of stuff, but I figure that in one year I can do this. It's not a new thing every day like some people do - that would be too much for me. I need to keep my list simple and easy so that I can actually accomplish all of these items. Hopefully I will be able to knock most of these out this year.

I also plan on blogging once a day - even if it is just a quick note on something I have read about out online or something that I saw that struck a chord. In trying to be more open I may share more of my personal thoughts - more of my layers.
To quote Shrek (courtesy of www.imdb.com):

Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
Donkey : Example?
Shrek : Example... uh... ogres are like onions!
[holds up an onion, which Donkey sniffs]
Donkey : They stink?
Shrek : Yes... No!
Donkey : Oh, they make you cry?
Shrek : No!
Donkey : Oh, you leave 'em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs...
Shrek : [peels an onion] NO! Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
[walks off]
Donkey : Oh, you both have LAYERS. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions. What about cake? Everybody loves cake!
Shrek : I don't care what everyone else likes! Ogres are not like cakes.
Donkey : You know what ELSE everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious!
Shrek : NO! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story! Bye-bye! See ya later.
Donkey : Parfait's gotta be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet!

So I will be like the ogre/onion/cake/parfait and reveal more of myself as things go forward. Brace yourselves;o)

Be well,
Buttercup

"Have fun storming the castle!"--Miracle Max

never ending headache

2010-09-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

I'm now onto day 3 of the never-ending headache. I have taken tylenol, but that has not helped. I slept for over 13hours today and that has not helped. I am taking another day off work and I hope that it helps get this headache gone. I am not sure what started it (I think the upstairs neighbours rolling stuff on the floor didn't help much). I hope it's not anything really serious. I'm talking to my doctor tomorrow so we'll see what's up with me.

Any suggestions out there?

long time gone

2010-09-09T17:34:00.000-07:00

This is getting to be a broken record - life rears it's ugly head and I concentrate on it instead of my weight loss.

I have now gotten myself a Twitter account and am tweeting my weight every day after my first weigh in of the day. And I am only weighing myself once a day. If you are on Twitter you can follow me @kaunisneiti. I hope I put that in there correctly. I started with pounds, but I have decided to post using kg instead. To me it is more impressive when I drop weight in kilos.

I have been back at HMR, but for whatever reason I am not really feeling the impetus to do the program perfectly. To be perfectly honest I am so worried about getting stuff for the wedding done (less than 5 weeks away) that I am not concentrating on what is going into my mouth and what activities I do to burn those calories. Some days I am good about tracking everything and other times I won't track for a few days.

I got an iPad for my birthday and have the LoseIt application on there. It works great - when I use it. Does anyone else use LoseIt? Do you like it? I get a little annoyed with having to enter in so many things, but once they are entered in, they are in.

Wedding info - I have had a makeup trial and a hair trial and have now decided not to pay for either on the day of the wedding. 1-they are too pricey, 2-my gals have volunteered to help with the make up and hair, and 3-getting to the places would be too time consuming and getting them to come to me would be even more money. I had one bridesmaid back out due to family issues and not being able to afford the trip any longer. Thankfully I had an alternate and she is able to be in the wedding. Phew! I bought a bunch of makeup at the MAC counter so I am ready for the day mostly. A nice lady is doing the design for the back of the bowling shirts and should have that by the end of the week. Then hopefully we can get the design put on the shirt next week. My mom and step-dad are here in about two weeks! And then the flood of people begins. I am going to feel so popular that week before the wedding - so many people clamoring for attention;o) And then we get to go relax in Vegas for a week! We are very excited about that - staying somewhere that we don't have to clean the sheets or make the bed. I like vacations.

Anyways this is a quick note today to let you know that I am still here and I am trying to post occasionally. I am sure the week of the wedding and honeymoon I won't be posting so much, but I will try to get pictures up for you all to enjoy!

joy after my first full week back at class!

2010-07-30T23:23:00.000-07:00

Hello wonderful people!

I started back at class last week and weighed in at 231lbs or 16st 7lbs or 105kg. So I gained 7lbs since I was last at class which is not too bad all things considering. So I weigh now around the same amount that I did back in January. Not great.

I lost 1.5lbs per my weigh-in on Tuesday bringing my weight down to 229.5lbs or 16st 5.5lbs or 104.3kg.

I want to lose another 30lbs between now and the wedding. That may or may not be possible as there are only 10weeks to the wedding and my body is being really stubborn about dropping the weight. I am watching my calories and tracking my physical activity - I am trying to work out in some way at least 30mins to one hour a day. I am kind of crap at the water intake at the moment, but I am getting better. I think I need to be getting 80oz of water a day which is 10 glasses so not too bad one would think. Except that I forget to drink water during the day so then I have to drink it all in one go. Not a good idea by the way....makes one run for the toilet...

In other news wedding planning is going swimmingly. I had planned to go for a dress or a skirt, but it is turning into one huge hassle. So I am just having my ladies wear black pants, black tank top or shirt, the bowling shirt of awesome!, and black low top Converse All Stars. Simple and comfortable. I will have the gorgeous sparkly red Converse on and my awesome bowling shirt - mine is red and black while the girls will have black and white. I will find some cute and comfortable black pants/jeans. I have a wicked awesome black and red lotus flower for my hair and I am making jewelery for my ladies (not saying what exactly as I know that one reads this blog;o) ).

I am hoping that I have more good news next week in regards to my weight loss.

Oh - in news of my life Westley and I will be moving to Austin after the wedding. San Diego has proven to be way too pricey in terms of money and relationships. Austin also has big job opportunities for Westley so that is a bonus. And the rent is so affordable for a nice apartment out there! I am excited:o) If anyone has any hints about Austin, please let me know!

Be well,
Buttercup

"Have fun storming the castle!"--Miracle Max

oh the joy of my life

2010-07-06T22:29:00.000-07:00

Once again I have been awol. Once again I have fallen off my weight loss track. Once again my mind has been going in negative circles. Money, family, and work woes have piled on the stress which led to issues with my meds which led to weight gain. I had to stop going to HMR classes for a while because we couldn't afford it. But now both Westley and I have gained weight back due to unstructured, uncontrolled eating. We are our own worst enemies - we both love food and we can easily coerce the other to eat badly. We plan on going back to class the Monday after my birthday (next week Friday for those that want to know).

I have rejoined SparkPeople so that I can track my food and exercise well. The group boards there are pretty helpful and their articles are also informative. If anyone else is on there I am Buttercupp79. I am hoping that entering everything on there daily will help me. Plus it's free so that's awesome in it's own right.

I failed at my target of being at my goal weight by my 30th and 31st birthdays. My target is now to be at my goal weight by my 32nd birthday which is next year. Between now and then I need to drop over 80lbs to reach 140lbs. I am planning on enjoying my birthday and then getting back into the swing of things on the Monday after. Of course from now until I hit my goal weight I will be logging my calories in and calories out using SparkPeople.

I hope that everyone has been doing well out there. I am going to be trying to post a little something every day just to keep myself on track and open to everyone.

Be well,
Buttercup

Frustrations

2010-06-11T20:32:00.001-07:00

Lately I have been really frustrated. Frustrated with family drama, frustrated at the slow ass wedding planning, frustrated at the slow weight loss, and frustrated that I still have all of these internal issues that are slowly getting worked on in my therapy sessions.

My mother in law wrote a nasty email which essentially has cut us out of her family. She said a lot of hurtful things which made Westley and I both rather upset. I am angry at her for acting like a spoiled child begging for attention, but also sad because she is going to miss out on so many things. The last time that she cut out family she didn't talk to them for over a decade. She's informed us that she will not be attending the wedding. She also cancelled the small gathering that she had offered to throw for me and my closest ladies (mother, sister, and close friends). That was really embarrassing for me because I had to let everyone know AFTER they had all said yes to the invitation for the gathering. I'm sorry, but who does that kind of thing? arrgggghhh! FRUSTRATION!

The wedding planning seems to be at a standstill. I feel like nothing is getting accomplished right now. We have the centerpieces. I need to order a 50lb bag of rock salt for the vases for the button bouquets. Once that comes in I will give you all pictures (I hope). We don't have a lead on the bowling shirts that we want. We don't have a real consensus on what we are all wearing in the wedding party. I have pretty much decided that I want a dress, but I want a red and black polka-dot dress with either red or black crinoline (yes a 50's style dress). I have no idea if the Meet and Greet party is going to even happen. I have no idea if our brunch idea is going to happen. I have no idea if the honeymoon is going to happen. Thankfully we have been receiving some replies, but I'm worried that not many people are going to show up.... I also feel really alone - I know that "usually" the bride has a group of friends that she can bounce ideas off of and get affirmation from. I feel like I am missing out on that. I can't afford to travel to where they all are, I can't afford to call them, and I have sporadic email contact at best with them.

I have had a lot of ups and downs in the past few months in terms of weight loss. And now Westley and I cannot afford to go to class for the next month or so. We don't have the $250 to spare for this month's classes. Also this week I couldn't go to class due to a work issue. I know what my problem is - I'm not being strict about my calories in and my exercise aka my calories out. I haven't been as on point as I had been when I started (something Westley mentioned the other night). So I need to get my shit together and get pumped up again to get the weight off.

There are a lot of other mental things going on - my low self esteem, my social anxiety, my depression, my anger issues, and my lack of assertiveness. I don't want to go into any of that right now. I'm just frustrated that I have all of this crap to work through. Seriously - thanks so much parental units and world for messing with my head.

I need to write more on here even if it's just a line a day. I'm still here and still continuing on with bettering myself in all ways.

Be well,
Buttercup

HMR week 29

2010-05-07T20:21:00.000-07:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb
Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb
Current weight: 220lbs or 100kg or 15st 10lb
Total loss: 3st 4.5lbs or 46.5lbs or 21.1kg
Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

I gained 2.5lbs:o( Not too happy with that. I am really not surprised, but I had expected a smaller gain because I have been walking a ton lately.

My thighs are getting more muscled the more I walk. I kind of like it. I know that the muscle is helping to burn fat and as a lady I am very concerned with my damn thighs. I really just want them to not rub together so much. I think I really do need to start swimming now so that I can work out all of my body. I think I also need to go back to doing stairs occasionally during the week. They kill, but they work out different parts of my legs than the plain walking does. I am also on the hunt for a bike helmet so I can take my bike out on the road. I am very afraid of taking my bike out on the road here. I know that there are bike lanes and such, but I have seen enough bad drivers out there not paying attention to the bike lane that I am hesitant...Any words of encouragement?

Awesome news - we have received 11 RSVP's so far and they are all yes! Yay!! That's 13 people at this shindig if we include ourselves. I am still nervous about how certain people are going to react to each other. We are going to have exes in the room, family members that have not spoken to one another in a decade, flaming guys, homophobes, a rainbow of people, and racists. Should be an interesting event. At least the Maid of Honour and the Best Man have been given orders to keep Westley and I out of jail. Basically - screw everyone else, just get us out of there. ;o) I kid. But I do think that harsh words will be spoken at some point. Hilarious thing - already our parents are asking us to invite their friends...We had to cut some of our friends out to make room for family, if we add anyone it's going to be our friends first. And honestly neither one of us want their friends that we don't know at our wedding.

I hope that this week I can kick my weight loss back into gear because I admit that I have been somewhat apathetic lately. My add for this month was to be more consistent with my HMR meal replacement use and my delete was the procrastination of having my HMR meal replacements. So far I kinda blow at that this week. Shrug. I just got so damn annoyed with all of them in recent months, but they work and I need to go back to at least some usage of them. Sigh. Gotta get back on the horse as it were.

Hope everyone's doing well - I am still working on things in my noggin so hopefully I will be able to post good news on that front at some point.

Be well,
Buttercup

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."--Inigo to Count Rugen

weekend of fun

2010-05-02T23:43:00.000-07:00

Westley and I had a good weekend at home. Yesterday we slept in, deposited a check, went grocery shopping, cleaned the kitchen, did laundry, and hung out together at home. And today we slept in, hung out together, went to see "The Losers", went to Rubio's for fish tacos, and came home for more hanging out. This may not seem like a great weekend to some, but I think it was awesome. We also went for a few walks while shopping. Fantastic!

Westley and I have been reconnecting lately and it is great. We have gotten back to how it was when we first met. We are being more....active...together. Enough said;o) This reconnection is having a great effect on our already strong relationship. It's reinforcing our commitment to each other and bringing the spark back into our daily life. I think I can thank my newest medication for that - I am definitely feeling more like the old me.

In other news we sent out our wedding invitations early last week. Hopefully we will start getting responses cards soon! In total we sent out 37 domestic, hand delivered 3, and 10 went international. I am really hoping just to hear something from my godparents as I haven't seen them in several years. I doubt they will be able to come, but it would be nice to hear from them. I am hoping that some of my old friends will be able to make it as I miss everyone.

Westley and I are going to be moving in the fall - right after the wedding actually! I think we will be ending up in Austin as it has a good music, arts, and tech community from what we can see. It is also close enough to our families that everyone should be happy. We are in driving distance for most of them - well at least those that would come to see us. My sister will be pissed that we are not in Dallas, but she will be happy that we are near enough to visit on the weekends. We are looking at getting a much smaller place than we have lived in previously - a one-bedroom apartment with no real space for a house guest other than maybe a blow up bed in the living room. This way we will be saving money (at least $500 less a month in rent or more!!) and we will also reduce the amount of clutter that we/I accumulate. I have to admit that the three moves we have done in the past few years has definitely made my eyes open up to the amount of crap that I have. I have discussed this before, but tonight I was watching a show on hoarding and I looked around and realised that I could very well be on my way to being like that. I need to go through my stuff and chuck the things that really do not have any meaning to me. And of the things that do have meaning I need to figure out if they have enough meaning for me to put them on display and if not I should just take a picture and then get rid of it. I am currently purging my wardrobe of clothes that are too big for me (yay!), but I want to purge some of the smaller things too so that we don't have to move them again. Hopefully we will be able to find a place in Austin where we can sign a two year lease to lock in a good rate and stay put for a bit. Hopefully we will be close enough to the city that after work I can go wandering without needing a car....we'll see what happens.

So that is what is going on my world. How are all of you doing?

Be well,
Buttercup

Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.
Fezzik: He's really very short on *charm*.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH.

HMR week 28

2010-04-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb
Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb
Current weight: 217.5lbs or 98.8kg or 15st 7.5lb
Total loss: 3st 7lbs or 49lbs or 22.2kg
Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

So my recent stress at work and my past two weeks of looking at my mental state has reared it's ugly head. Michelle looked at my numbers for the past month and overall I am down one pound for the month. Which is good and bad. Good in that I am down in weight, but bad in that it's only one pound. I had hoped to stay the same as last week or to lose a little, but I will take the gain for what it is - a stress reaction.

How am I going to combat this gain? Quite simply I am going to walk a lot, watch my food intake, make sure I hit all of my minimums, and track everything. Today I was a bad girl and had a total of 2145 calories and did not hit my minimum food and water intake. I did however do well on the PA side of things. I walked for a total burn of 420 calories. When you take out the PA from the food I am at 1725 calories. Ugh. But I got two meal replacements in for the day.

I am actually going to take out my bike this week. I may go out without a helmet just to test the bike out. And I am going to walk to Michael's tomorrow to pick up some supplies for making necklaces. I should hopefully get a good amount of PA in as it's way up the hill from my place. I'll let you all know how it goes....

I am trying to not let myself get into a funk. My mood had been wavering today between ok and kind of angry. I have had a headache off and on all day and that has made me irritable/angry. Hopefully it will go away soon.

Hope that everything is going well for all of you.

Be well,
Buttercup

"Have fun storming the castle!"--Miracle Max

What I aspire to...

2010-04-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

I aspire to be a smaller person in size. What that size may be I have no idea, but I am going to get there.
I aspire to have a job that will allow me to travel the world. I am in the second phase of the application process for a job that will allow me to do just that. I aspire to get myself out of credit card debt in the next three years. A lofty goal, but as Westley has work again I know we can do it!

I am going to post some pictures that are serving as inspiration to me at the moment. I have no idea who the models are or the photographer as I found them through stumbles a while ago (I know, I know - shame on me).

I think that is something cool to aspire to:o) Plus I am totally in love with the pin-up girl/rockabilly with a touch of goth look. I don't have the talent or patience to do the hair and make-up daily and I definitely love my comfy clothes, but maybe I can incorporate that look into my work and going out wardrobe.

Be well,
Buttercup

"There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It'd be a pity to damage yours."--Westley to Buttercup

Two week absence...

2010-04-25T22:34:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I have been gone from the blog world for the past two weeks and I wanted to apologize to the few of you out there that are following me. I decided to take some time off of blogging so that I could concentrate on working on me.

I have mentioned in here before that I have depression. And I have also mentioned that I am on medication for it. Well I am actually on two medications which is interesting as I have to take them at different times of the day. I also have social anxiety and anger issues - I don't know how to express my anger well. I grew up in a household where anger was expressed through either verbal or physical abuse. This in turn got me into the habit of eating to appease my feelings of hurt or anger or sadness or feeling alone which of course got me to the point of being grossly overweight. There are a lot of other things that have happened to me that I won't talk about on here as it is too personal and shameful.

I went to a counselor recently which is when I started my self imposed hiatus. He asked me a bunch of questions that I hadn't asked myself. I ended up crying. A lot. Those that know me in the real world know that I can get weepy pretty easy (if I watch "Beauty and the Beast" I always cry - sad but true), but this was really a lot of crying for me. Thankfully he had a load of tissues in his office. I had to face a lot of issues in that hour. I didn't realise just how messed up I was until I started talking. The doctor told me to get a book called Mind Over Mood. I am going to go through it very slowly and do every worksheet that is in there. I have to get my head on straight.

I am aware that I will probably be changing somewhat over the next few months and hopefully the friends that I have out there will understand and accept my growth. Some of them are shocked at the depression and others are shocked at my social anxiety. But here's a clue for some of you - of your friend is drinking excessively EVERY time that you go out together into a public setting or around groups then your friend may have social anxiety or depression or both. I drank to ease my nerves in big groups of people, even small groups if I only knew one person there. I drank to give myself courage. That's why I was pretty well sloshed most of my time at university and a few years after that. I will admit that I have embarrassed myself and done things that I have regretted which then further contributed to my depression and social anxiety issues.

You may ask yourself "why is she laying all of this out there?" My answer is this: I think that my story (as disjointed as some of my posts may be) could help someone one day. Someone out there may be feeling the same thing and doesn't know what to do to help themselves. If I can help one person I will feel that I have left something of value out in the world.

Along with getting my head sorted out I am also taking good steps to stay on track with my weight loss efforts. I have been writing everything down and I have been over my calorie budget as well. But I am writing it down and trying to be mindful. Being mindful is something that has taken me some time, but I know that being aware of what I am eating is also making me aware of why I am eating the food. "And knowing is half the battle." You really do need to be aware of the why's in order to change the what's. I have also been making an effort to exercise regularly and I have racked up some impressive PA calories this past week.

In happier news I am mailing out the wedding invitations tomorrow. We finally have everyone's addresses and our final list of invitees. Out total number of invited people = 85. With the two of us = 87. I already know that two people won't be coming because they are having a baby around that time! (Congratulations S&A!!!) I am also pretty sure that about 12 to 15 others won't be coming as they cannot afford to come or are too old for the trip. So I really think that we are looking at around 60 to 70 people total which I think is pretty huge! How people end up with a 200 person wedding is beyond me.

So to sum up - I am alive, working on my mental and physical health, wedding plans are going ahead, and I will be making more regular postings from now on. It clears my head and like talking to you all.

Be well,
Buttercup

Westley: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

HMR week 24

2010-03-31T09:34:00.000-07:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb
Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb
Current weight: 216lbs or 98.1kg or 15st 6lb
Total loss: 3st 8.5lbs or 50.5lbs or 22.9kg
Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

I lost 2.5lbs this week! Oh yeah! I was over my calorie budget most days, but I did my PA and had all of my water so I think that may have had something to do with it.

I walked my ass to class on Tuesday and it hurt so bad. My knees are all creaky right now. It took me an hour to walk from the Grossmont Trolley Station to where class is held near the high school (those that know San Diego may appreciate that distance). I had to ask for ibuprofen when I got there because I was in so much pain. Thankfully I had an awesome offer for a ride home from Chuck and June (an awesome couple who were in my Phase 1 class). They have offered to take me home each week and I am definitely going to take them up on it. But I am going to walk to class each week so that's an hour on Tuesday's for my walk that is guaranteed. I feel so accomplished doing that walk and so proud of myself.

I am proud of myself this week and I am going to do much better with my calories this week.

Here are my calorie totals for this past week:

Date	Calorie Goal	Calories Consumed	Calories Burned	Net Calories
March 29th, 2010	1400	2063.75	1194	869.75
March 28th, 2010	1400	1767	304	1463
March 27th, 2010	1400	2349	379	1970
March 26th, 2010	1400	1337.25	82	1255.25
March 25th, 2010	1400	1955	284	1671
March 24th, 2010	1400	1912	255	1657
March 23rd, 2010	1400	1603	82	1521

TOTAL	9800	12987	2580	10407

Only one day under 1400, but I am proud of PA total for the week - 2580 calories burned. This week should be much better with my plans for PA - basically I am going to walk my ass off, literally.

Be well,
Buttercup

The Grandson: A book?
Grandpa: That's right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you.
The Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
The Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake.
Grandpa: Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.

answers to truthiness

2010-03-30T07:55:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who left me a comment:o)

And now for the answers:
A) I have two dogs, Lootz and Cooler.
These are the names that we have picked for our dogs (when we get them). Westley wants to be able to say that his "dog is Cooler" (small giggle) and I thought it would be funny to get Lootz a purple collar so that the dog would be epic (yes this is a WoW reference).
B) I have traveled on the Concord.
Sadly not. But I have flown almost every single year of my life at least twice - last year was the first year with no flights. Very weird for me....
C) I own a motorcycle.
Not yet, but it is planned for in the future.
D) I have a level 80 mage in World of Warcraft.
Not yet....I have a level 59 Blood Elf fire spec'ed mage. Had to stop playing WoW for a bit due to cash flow, but I plan on playing again soon and getting her up to level 80.
E) I have eaten blowfish.
Nope, but I do love sushi!
F) I sleep a full 8 hours every night.
I wish I did this on days that weren't Friday and Saturday. Working on this.

G)I speak one of the most difficult languages in the world.***

Yes- this one is true. I speak Finnish which is one of the hardest languages in the world so I have been told and Anoucka can verify this;o) I also speak some French and Spanish, and I know a smattering of German, Japanese, Mandarin Chinese, Swahili, and Swedish (I can count in some of these and find the bathroom and shop a little).

That was fun! I'll be posting more later today after class.

Truthiness

2010-03-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

The rules are:
1. Thank the person who gave this to you.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you.
4. Tell up to 6 outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth.
5. Nominate 7 "creative writers" who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

Thank you very much to Missa of Losing Ethel for nominating me (and sorry it's taken so long to get this posted).

My truthiness:
   A) I have two dogs, Lootz and Cooler.
     B) I have traveled on the Concord.
     C) I own a motorcycle.
   D) I have a level 80 mage in World of Warcraft.
     E) I have eaten blowfish.
     F) I sleep a full 8 hours every night.
     G)I speak one of the most difficult languages in the world.

The bloggers that I would like to nominate are:
Surge at Surge Thinking Smaller
Anoucka at Men, Chocolate and Me
Tisha at A Blob Blog
Mary at A Merry Life
Kepa at The Fat Lazy Guy's Log
Sean at The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser
*Bitch Cakes* at *Bitch Cakes*: A Neurotic Glamour Girl's Weight Watchers Experience and Fitness Adventures

Let me know which one you think is the truth!

Be well,
Buttercup

Inigo Montoya: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
Westley: Do you always begin conversations this way?

HMR week 23 - first full week of Phase 3

2010-03-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 218.5lbs or 99.3kg or 15st 8.5lb

Total loss: 3st 6lbs or 48lbs or 21.8kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

I gained 0.5lbs this week. Considering we went to high tea at the Westgate Hotel with Westley's mom and the calories for that meal we estimated them to be at 1500 in addition to our normal foods....I am really not too surprised with the gain. Also my PA was way down this past week. But I am stepping it up literally by walking today and for the rest of the week until class next Tuesday.

Our new class seems pretty chatty and a few of the people from out phase one class are in there as well so it was good to catch up with them. I was honestly a little worried that the class would be a bit standoffish, but they seem like good people.

And for some truly awesome news - Westley has been on a first interview and a second interview this week! Pending his background check he will start work next week!! After 10months with no job this is a godsend. Especially as we are at the end of our savings and our credit cards are maxed out. I'll be perfectly honest - I thought that we would have to start selling our stuff in order to survive. I am so happy that he got the job. Funnily enough it is with the company that he has worked for twice before. He knows the company and the culture at this office seems to be right up his alley - relaxed and geeky. Should be a good fit. Hopefully we will hear tomorrow if he starts on Monday. Cross you fingers!!

As promised I am sharing my past week's calories in and calories out. You can see that I really did not control myself as well as I should have, but for my first week back in the world of food I think I did pretty well if I do say so myself. I only stayed under 1400 calories for only one day last week so I did not do what I wanted to and one day I was well over my maintenance calories (yes, high tea day). Sad but true. This week started a little high, but I am trying to get back into a tight calorie budget again. 1400 calories is what a 140lb woman should be eating to maintain their weight according to various websites and educational information available. I am going to aim to stay in that area - anything from 1200 to 1500 a day is reasonable I think.

Now here is my calorie synopsis for the past week:

Date	Calories Consumed	Calories Burned	Net Calories
March 22nd, 2010	1587	41	1546
March 21st, 2010	1865	131	1734
March 20th, 2010	2590	131	2459
March 19th, 2010	1275.46	82	1193.46
March 18th, 2010	1682	1160	522
March 17th, 2010	2021.89	173	1848.89

HMR week 22 - yay for the small losses

2010-03-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 218lbs or 99kg or 15st 8lb

Total loss: 3st 6.5lbs or 48.5lbs or 22kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

I lost 1.5lbs this week! Yay, the water is working! My add and delete this month was to have 80oz of water daily, 1 cereal and 2 shakes, and 2 vegetable servings minimum daily. I have been doing pretty well so far I think. Hopefully this will be the start of my regular weight loss again. I am hoping for 1-2lbs a week which is what Michelle said that she expects for me. I just did the math and if I lost 1.5lbs per week I would hit my goal weight in 52weeks. Of course I want that sooner than next year, but my real goal is to be a size 10 or 12 US. If I get into that size I will be healthy I think.

We had our first truly non-HMR meal on Wednesday, but I am going to talk about that in my food post for the past two days (which I am about to write!). It was glorious!! After dinner we went to meet up with a friend at a bar on Adam's Avenue to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. It was a little sad not to be able to enjoy a beer or an Irish Car Bomb, but I just had to remind myself that the reason I was choosing not to drink was so that I get fit. Plus the pants I had on were falling off of me! That was pretty cool :o)

Anyway - I will write more later on today about food and other things...

Be well,
Buttercup

Buttercup: You mock my pain.
Westley: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

HMR week 21

2010-03-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

Be well,

Buttercup

Inigo Montoya: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Westley: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.

Feeling groovy...

2010-03-09T20:28:00.000-08:00

Woohoo! I took an exam today and passed it with a B average! The exam was a technical one and the results were instantaneous which is very different from my university days. Anyway, I am submitting my certificate/results tonight through the website for the job that I have applied for. I hope that I hear back from them soon about the oral interview and written exam. Unfortunately to do that I will have to get from San Diego to DC and I have no idea how I will be able to afford that right now.

I have not been doing well PA wise this week. I am disappointed in myself for that, but to be fair I have been studying for today's test for most of the past week. I am going to walk for a while tonight in front of the tv to possibly make up the numbers I need to get to 2000calories of PA. I need to get in 850 calories of PA to get to the 2000 I need for the week. I am considering doing stairs, but I am not sure if I want to do them. We'll see what happens.

I have also re-acquainted myself with my love of brussels sprouts with a light spray of butter. Mmmmm good! I definitely recommend brussels sprouts with a side of HMR chili. Seriously good! Also good is eating pineapple chunks right out of the can (the juice strained out of course) - yes, I am lazy enough to eat right out of the can. Do you have any guilty food secrets? What vegetable have you re-discovered lately?

Another awesome thing happened today. I put on a top that used to be pretty tight and was one of three tops that I would wear to work when I was in an office. It is pretty loose now. Westley informed me that it no longer qualifies as office wear as it is so baggy it looks way more casual. And my jeans are baggy in the butt. I love this! Clothes that I used to rely on no longer fit right! Woohoo - feeling groovy :o) Have you had any nice surprises this week?

Be well,
Buttercup

Prince Humperdinck: Surrender.
Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.

new clothes! sort of....

2010-03-07T17:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had Westley pull down my big container of clothes I can't fit into. I tried on shirts and pants and skirts. Oh happy day! I now have about ten "new shirts" and about the same number of pants. Unfortunately I have one pair of pants that I almost skipped. They are definitely loose on me, but I intend to wear them to class on Wednesday - maybe I will have a picture taken of me in them and will post it here (with a photo-shopped head of course - I'm not quite ready to share my face with the world yet).

I know that Anouka just got into her skinny jeans so she definitely knows the feeling of going into your closet and trying on the pants you hadn't been able to get into for a while. Go give her a few kudos! She has done so well on her plan:o) Also it's her birthday today! Happy 29th sweetie!

I am definitely aware of the way that my clothes are fitting on me now - everything is either loose or tight. I have a few things that fit me right now, but I am sure that soon they will be loose as well. It's kind of fun being in this transitional stage, but also a little irritating. I want to be at the end of this road not here in the middle where things are not quite right on my body. But I am sure that there are a lot of us that are here in the middle of the road with our loose and tight clothes and we are all going down the road to fitting into what we want. It is irritating, but this irritation will pass. I looked at my own skinny jeans and I am going to be so excited when I get into them! I am sure that in less than 80lbs I will be in them or past them. I can't wait!

I just had to share with everyone out there in the blogosphere that I am into another set of clothes:o) It made my weekend. Oh, also you all should go see the new "Alice In Wonderland" movie by Tim Burton - it rocks! It's worth waiting in line for two hours in the rain to watch it! It's quite beautiful and disturbing at times. So amazing!

Be well,
Buttercup

"Have fun storming the castle!"--Miracle Max

Oh Happy Friday!

2010-03-05T20:55:00.000-08:00

*WARNING - I am waffling on about my wedding plans in here among other things*

Good news - the meeting yesterday went ok with Westley's mother. She didn't wig out and was civil. However she has made it very clear that she wants to not be a part of anything in the wedding. She just wants to be a guest. That's fine, but it hurt Westley's feelings. I am glad we asked her - at least now we know where we stand and where she stands. I don't think that I will ever be able to trust anything that she says after the past few months. But I will continue to be civil and maybe even warm up to being cordial.

After talking with her for about an hour or so we went home. We had a frank discussion about how it went and what I am going to need to do to protect my feelings from her. I am a sensitive person and emotional - I cry easily...anyway, I have to try to distance myself from my feelings when we are around her. It'll be tough, but I think I can do it. I did cry when we got home because I was so stressed out and I had been uncomfortable. But I did feel like I was flipping her the bird by having Westley and I show up so many pounds lighter. Juvenile, yes, but oh so satisfying in my head!

Westley and I also talked about the wedding. I let him know the events that I think we need to do and the ones I could care less about. And he did the same. I want to have a few more organized social gatherings for everyone that's coming to the wedding. After going over exactly what we wanted to do we have come to the following game plan for the wedding weekend:

Friday - a Meet & Greet party - essentially it's a rehearsal dinner, shower, and introductions party - a preemptive thank you to everyone for traveling from so far away and those that are local too
Saturday - during the day I will be hanging out with my ladies and Westley with his guys, then we all get dressed for dinner and drinking/dancing/silliness - essentially our hen and stag dos
Sunday - 1-breakfast with the wedding party, 2-girls getting hair done, 3-getting dressed and girls getting make up on/setting up at the site, 4- ceremony, 5-reception/party of awesome!, 6- after party!!
Monday - brunch with whoever wants to meet up with us

And then we will go off on our honeymoon (Vegas baby! well, that's the plan now) either Monday afternoon or Tuesday morning. And to be honest, I know that this is a lot of stuff, but we are smooshing three separate parties into one on the Friday night. I think that it is an important party so that people can meet each other before the wedding. Some people will not have seen each other in ages so people can catch up and people will be a little bit more comfortable with each other before the wedding ceremony itself.

Now on to more wedding hoopla;-) I am definitely getting a stronger feeling about how I want my hair to be done up for the wedding. I want pin-up girl/roackabilly hair. That's one big reason behind why I am growing it out right now (it's around my shoulders now!!). I found some really cool fabric lotus flowers here on Etsy - I am getting a crimson and black one for myself and I am figuring out which colours to get for the ladies. I think I will need to chat with the seller to see if she can do black and white or sand. I think they will look cool in our hair even though we all have different textures and colours going on. They can either clip into the hair or be pinned to a hairband. I also know that I want strong eyes and lips for myself - I will defer to the ladies as to what they want to do with their make-up, I just want them to be comfortable.

I think that I am going to have to get pictures of what I might want to wear and then put them side by side so that I can critique them/weigh the pro's and con's of each outfit. Pro for jeans- super comfy, I can do anything in them, and could be cute. Cons for jeans - not very feminine and families may not approve. Pros for skirt - feminine, could be comfy, it could look cute, and both families would approve. Cons for skirt - restricts my movements somewhat, would have to wear tights or spanx, might have epic thigh rubbing issues. Pros for dress - super feminine, definite family approval (even if it is not white), and is pretty cool. Cons for dress - could be too dressy for our plan and also the same cons as the skirt. Yeah...I am probably concentrating too much on what everyone else wants and not really looking at what I want and what we want our wedding to be. I will have this decided by the end of the month. I hope.

I am grateful to not be a part of the greater Wedding Industrial Complex, but I am still in part of it. I want the favors, the centerpieces, the flowers, the wedding party, the awesome party with good food and booze, and I want the limo. But I don't want the big white and poofy dress, the china, the crystal, the matching table linens... I just hope that our families understand that we are doing things that are us and that it is representative of who we are and where we are in our lives right now. I really hope they get it. And if not then they just don't get us and they really might not.

Thanks for reading through today's wedding ramblings - I needed to get this out. Be warned - I will be sharing more about the wedding as we get closer to it!

Be well,
Buttercup

Buttercup: Because Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love, and you cannot track that, not with a thousand blood hounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords.

HMR week 20

2010-03-03T20:48:00.000-08:00

wedding planning and food thoughts

2010-03-02T19:22:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to plan my wedding lately and I have figured out a few things.
1-I am really in a pickle out here as I have no close girl friends in the area to bounce ideas off of - all of my ladies in my bridal party are either overseas or their job has them traveling a lot
2-if this had been last year I would have been drowning my sorrows in food - chocolate would have been really high on my list of go-to foods
3-I am having a hard time trying to figure out if I am going to go for a dress or for the jeans and bowling shirt plan that we were originally going to go with. Not sure which way i am going to go.

I really am proud of myself for not succumbing to my food cravings when I have been stressed with all of this wedding planning nonsense lately. I really wish I could have a glass of wine some nights just to take the edge of my fraying nerves. Soon enough I will be in phase three and wine will be back in my box. For those that don't know - when you are on the HMR program you have a "box" of food that you need to stick to - shakes, cereal, benefit bars, fruits, and vegetables in my case at the moment. I know that some people say that exercise will help you get out your frustrations - I have realized recently that I am not one of those people that can exercise out their frustration.

We have a lot of the plans sorted out: wedding party, location and caterer, date, our "colours" are sorted out, and we know that we will have cupcakes and an ipod for the music at the wedding. What we don't know is who is going to be the officiant, what exactly we are wearing, who is actually going to show up, and where to seat everyone. And honestly the last one is by far the most scary. Both of us have divorced parents who really don't like each other. Also Westley's brother and father have not spoken for a very long time and that is very tense situation. PLUS we have a lot of gay friends and family who will be coming to the wedding and we also have some very homophobic family coming to the wedding. And one of my fantastic gay friends is what some would call flaming - all I have to say is thank goodness we will have good beer and wine at the reception. We are having local beers and wines so that we are supporting local area business a bit and we also relly enjoy them:-) Another thing that we need to sort out is what flavour cupcakes we are going to have. There are three local bakeries that are known for their cupcakes so we are going to have to go taste test them, but we need to wait until we are in Phase 3 to do that. We are going to have 2 flavours probably and I really am having fun looking at their websites to check out what they do bake. We're going to have one cupcake of each flavour for everyone so we're going to end up with 160 cupcakes (yep 80 people total at the wedding including ourselves).

Anyway as you can see my mind keeps going in circles and then there is other family drama with Westley's mother and brother. We are meeting with Westley's mother on Thursday for coffee and I am very nervous about it. She does not like me and has made that perfectly clear with some hateful emails. I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and letting myself be open to talking with her. If she starts something though I will just get up and walk out. I hate confrontations, especially with people who are good at verbal abuse like she is. I am steeling myself up for the drama that I am sure that is going to unfold on Thursday.

I have been in the box this week and I am over 2000 calories for PA. Not the 3500 calories that I had hoped to accomplish, but I am still proud of myself for getting as much as I did. And truly going to the Wild Animal Park on Sunday with our friends really got me over the minimum torture amount. I think I need to start going to the gym again and maybe lifting weights. I want my arm wings to go away and they won't do that unless I start to work out the muscles underneath the fat.

Wish me well for tomorrow:-)

Be well,
Buttercup

Miracle Max: Thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice papercut and pour lemon juice on it?

HMR week 19 - minor set back, but I am back in the box

2010-02-26T21:11:00.000-08:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 223lbs or 101.3kg or 15st 13lb

Total loss: 3st 1.5lbs or 43.5lbs or 19.7kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

Ok, I gained 3.5lbs this week. It's half of what I lost last week so I am not sure if this was part correction part body payback for being out of the box.

Yes, Westley and I were out of the box Monday night. We ordered a thin crust pizza. We had both thinking about it and we are both a little weak at times - we were both weak at the same time. Not good. We each had 1,040cals of out of the box food. While it was bad (I know) we at least made a much better choice than we have normally done. We used to have a large pizza each (regular or deep dish), plus bread sticks, dipping sauce, dessert, and beer. This time we shared a large thin crust pizza with light cheese and light sauce. It was soooo tasty and I know now that we can make a better choice when eating things like pizza in the future.

I have beaten myself up a lot this week after we had the pizza and I owned up to it with Michelle on Wednesday. Westley and I spoke with her about what to do when we started feeling weak again because we all know that it will happen again. We just have to remind ourselves that the pizza or the burger will stop us on the road to being fit. Yes, it would be just a speed bump on the road, but let's face it, in the past such a speed bump would be where we would stop and go back to where we started. I refuse to let either one of us go back to where we were. The misery of being that...well, fat. Being that large caused physical as well as social issues, but that's another post.

So my personal challenge this week is to stay in the box for 7 days and to get at least 2,000 calories of physical activity in this week. In the past three days I have done a total of 950 calories of torture. So only 1,050 calories to go! On Sunday Westley and I are going to the Wild Animal Park with some friends so we are going to get in a lot of walking. Let's hope that I can do 3,500 calories of torture this week!

Oh! On a super awesome note I met Tisha! It was pretty cool meeting another blogger in person (and she remembered my blogging name which was also awesome) - I felt like such a fangirl (kind of like when I went to ComicCon last year and met all of the awesome web comic artists and attended the Farscape comic panel and the Mythbusters panel). I hope I didn't embarrass her (@Tisha - apologies if I did - I really didn't mean to, but it was so cool to meet you in person!).

I am feeling strong right now - I know that I can stay in the box 100% and I know that I can get in all of the physical activity that I need to for the week. It really does take a speed bump to wake you up and make you realize that you can do it, that you will do it, and there is nothing that is going to stop you from getting fit.

Have any of you hit your own speed bump? What did you do? What are you doing now to get back on the road to getting fit?

Be well,
Buttercup

Vizzini: You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The first is never get involved in a land war in Asia. The second, only slightly less well known, is this: never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha -- [He stops abruptly and falls over, dead.]

walking success

2010-02-21T02:59:00.000-08:00

Westley: You mean, you put down your rock and I put down my sword and we try to kill each other like civilized people?

This is what I think my brain does to me when I start thinking of exercising. It's fighting my natural loafing instinct while I try to become more active. Or at least I force myself to become more active which is necessary as I work off these pounds. I just have to keep telling myself that getting it is the goal and the fitter I am the better I am going to look and feel. I think we all need to remember that as we go about our journey to being fit not fat.

I have done well on the physical activity front this week. I have been to the zoo twice this week and I have to admit that the second time was better as it was cooler and fewer people were there. It makes for a much more pleasant walking experience;o) We were at the zoo for two and a half hours with an old friend of mine from middle school who is going to medical school out here. We all ended up going to a coffee shop and were there for about three hours just talking about all sorts of things. It's great when you can just talk and talk. Westley and I had a load of fun with her. Hope she can take time out again for herself to relax with us.

So I have done a lot of walking this week as well as stretching. Today I was not as active as I would have liked, but I can make that up tomorrow by going for a walk somewhere. My knees are achey, but I am hoping they will start to feel better soon. I am looking up exercises online to strengthen my quads which should help (I hope).

My last post prompted Missa to ask if Westley had his own blog. I am happy to say that he recently started one which you can find here. Go on over and read about his story. He has come a long way from where his journey began many years ago. Obviously I am calling him something other than his real name here in my blog and I am sure that eventually he will talk about me and use some other name for me on his blog. And he is going by another of his internet handles on his blog;o)

There is a very interesting video on his blog of Jamie Oliver speaking at a TED conference. Jamie Oliver (in case you don't know him) is a British chef who is making it his mission to get people more educated on healthy eating. Click here to find out more about his campaigns for healthful living. At first I found him an annoying person on tv, but I really do appreciate the way that he is throwing himself into this campaign for healthier meals for everyone. When I go back to the UK I would really like to go to one of his restaurants.

A close friend of mine (actually one of my bridesmaids) has also started a blog recently. Please go one over here to encourage her on her journey. She is an amazing woman and I know that she will make it to her goal. Plus when she gets out here she is going to be so foxy!

I am off to play some computer games for a bit before I go to bed.

Be well,
Buttercup

Westley: You mean, you put down your rock and I put down my sword and we try to kill each other like civilized people?

HMR week 18

2010-02-17T21:29:00.000-08:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 219.5lbs or 99.7kg or 15st 9.5lb

Total loss: 3st 5lbs or 47lbs or 21.3kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

I lost 7lbs this week!! w00t!
As you may have guessed I am quite impressed with myself this week:o) Last week I only lost half a pound after doing some impressive (to me) exercise. I was disappointed, but continued it this week. I knew it would catch up eventually. Plus I have been eating really well this past week - loads of veggies and fruit and my new favourite treat - GUACAMOLE!

I went to the doctor last Thursday and found out that I have "Runner's Knee". According to the literature that I was given this is when "the articular cartilage beneath the kneecap is irritated. This problem can be caused over time by activities such as running. It can also result from misalignment of the kneecap or a blow to the front of the knee. Signs and Symptoms may include: pain, especially when running, walking up and down stairs, or sitting with bent knees; mild swelling; a grinding noise; and/or giving way of the joint." I had every symptom except the last one. I was told to sit with my legs outstretched and to keep my knee as straight as possible (180 degrees is best, but anything more than 90 degrees is better). I am not to sit cross legged and need to take Aleve or a similar medication about 30mins before exercising to prevent injury to my knees. Hopefully this will help some. I am also going to see a physical therapist to learn some stretches and exercises to help me. Apparently I need to strengthen my quadriceps as they help the kneecap glide over the knee joint and therefore will help in preventing the grinding of the cartilage. I will keep you all updated on my progress!

I have had guacamole twice this past week and it was glorious! The first time was at a Mexican restaurant and it was mildly spicy, but boy oh boy did that avocado taste good! We had it with our salads which had veggies, salsa, pico de gallo, some roasted corn, and roasted veggies on top. It was luscious. We even just put our forks straight into the guacamole and had it right out of the bowl. We also had black beans on the side which had some seasonings in them, but what a different flavour! Yummy! The second time we had guacamole was after going to the supermarket to get salad fixings. We had some carrots and celery sticks to dip into the guacamole - again, YUMMY! This was a spicy guacamole (if you are in the San Diego area we got it from Ralph's) and it was spicy, but not too hot. You could feel the burn, but it did not overpower it if that makes any sense.

I have become quite reliant on canned peaches (in pear juice) recently. I drain the peaces and rinse them to get any excess sugars off of them. I keep a can or two in the fridge as I find that chilled peach slices are scrumptious! I must have them nearly every day. I have also really been enjoying pineapple as well (they are in pineapple juice so I just drain them instead of rinsing them).

Westley and I were among the people that had the most PA this week in class which was pretty cool. Michelle was very impressed with us - especially as Westley notoriously hates PA. There was applause for everyone that had over 2500calories of PA this week. Made everyone smile:o) Our assignment this week is to have no zero PA days. I am going to try to do at least 300cal of PA every day. I may post here every night to let you know what I did.

On Monday we went to the zoo with Westley's aunt to walk around and take pictures. Unfortunately she forgot to bring a fully charged battery so she left after we had walked around for about an hour. We stayed almost until the zoo closed at 5pm. It was a lot of fun and I felt good about the exercise we accomplished. We also bought ourselves one year zoo passes, it was actually a couple's pass, for $98.00 total. After 2 trips we will have already saved money. We are actually going to the zoo again tomorrow afternoon with a friend of mine so we should get a few good hours of walking in. And then the last Sunday of February we are going to go to the Wild Animal Park with some friends - the passes that we bought are also good for getting in to the Wild Animal Park as both are run by the San Diego Zoo. We also got a few free passes which we are going to hold on to for my mom and step-dad when they come here as they are the folks that are going spend the most money to come to the wedding (they will be flying from Melbourne, Australia) and I know that they will definitely appreciate it.

This past weekend I also made some of the button bouquets for the wedding. There are a lot more for me to make, but what I have made so far look pretty cool. Once I have more done I will take a picture of what I have made to share with you all (they really are cool). I want to add a little more bling to the bouquets before I show them off online. I also need to make enough for the centerpieces and the bouquets for my rockin' ladies.

Anyways, I did awesome on my weight loss this week and am feeling good about it. My knee still feels like ass, but hopefully I will start to fix that soon. And I am digging on the veggies and fruit lately - not a bad thing.

PA for today - 30mins of stretching = 60cals burned
This is low for the day, but I anticipate that I will more than make up for it tomorrow afternoon at the zoo.

Be well,
Buttercup

Prince Humperdink: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I'll explain. And I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.

HMR week 17

2010-02-10T21:48:00.000-08:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 226.5lbs or 102.9kg or 16st 2.5lb

Start BMI: 42.3

End BMI: let’s hope this is in the healthy range!

Total loss: 2st 12lbs or 40lbs or 18.1kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

Start waist: 48″

Start hips: 55″

I cheated yesterday. I had 860 calories of a Subway Club sandwich with swiss cheese and extra meat. It was so damn yummy. I don't think that I have words to describe how lovely it tasted. And the guilt I feel is astounding. I feel like the 40lbs that I lost is being dragged along behind me - like it's chained to my ankle - that's what my guilt feels like at the moment. Thankfully I did not have a gallbladder attack like I thought I might have - it's one of the things that they warn you about if you go out of the box. So I went out of the box and I feel super guilty and I will not do it again any time soon.

This past week I burned 2580calories through exercise. However, my knees feel like sh*t. They are creaking and popping when I walk and bend my legs. So I have attempted to make an appointment with my doctor to have them looked at. Michelle (my HMR coach) said that they may need to give me a shot of cortisone. I am afraid of that. I hate needles, I really do. Four years ago I was told that I have arthritis in both knees and that the soft tissue in my right knee is crapped out and the soft tissue in my left knee is pretty well gone thanks to my accident when I was eleven. Let's hope the doctor can figure out something good to help me, something that does not involve a needle.

I also need to follow up with the doctor about how my depression medication is affecting me. Just to let all of you know it is working ok, but I think I need something more. I also think that I need to see a therapist or psychologist or a psychiatrist to talk about what goes on in my head. I have been angry and sad a lot lately. I have no idea why. I definitely need some kind of therapy or a tweak to my medication. We'll see what happens.

Hope everyone has a good rest of the week - I hope to have better news tomorrow.

Be well,
Buttercup

Buttercup: You're the Dread Pirate Roberts, admit it.
Man in Black: With pride. What can I do for you?
Buttercup: You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces.
Man in Black: Tsk, tsk. That's hardly complementary Highness.

Why am I torturing myself?

2010-02-10T00:56:00.000-08:00

This past week I have been kicking ass on the physical activity front. I am torturing myself to some degree as I have been jogging and walking a lot. Tonight my knees are killing! They are creaking and making popping sounds too. They hurt! I was told by an orthopedist at the age of 26 that I have arthritis in both knees. I think I need to go see an orthopedist again to have them looked at because I think something is wrong again in there.

My thighs are killing me as well, but I think that is because I have been pushing myself this week harder than I have before. I am stretching them muscles in there, but I am not sure if I am stretching them enough or the right way. If any one has any stretching tips or a website to point me to I would appreciate it.

I watched the Biggest Loser episode for this week and I really want to get one of those slider things. It looks like a great workout and that it will seriously tone your legs - especially your thighs! I am going to look into it and see what I can find out there. Is it wrong that I am happy that Melissa from the red team went home? She was by far the one that I was rooting against the most since the start of the show. She was so negative and manipulative the whole time she was there. The player I think that I am rooting for the most is Koli. He really needs the self-esteem boost that the weight loss is going to give him and he seems genuine. Are any of you watching the show? Who are you rooting for or against?

And I have an admission to make. Tonight I went out of the box big time. I went to Subway and got a foot-long sub. The total calorie cost was 860. I am feeling guilty about it, but that craving is gone now. I think I will be able to stay on track from now on. I hope I can. I just need to get my head on straight about this. I'll probably talk more about this tomorrow.

Be well,
Buttercup

Westley: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

HMR week 16

2010-02-04T21:08:00.000-08:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 227lbs or 103.1kg or 16st 3lb

Start BMI: 42.3

End BMI: let’s hope this is in the healthy range!

Total loss: 2st 11.5lbs or 39.5lbs or 17.9kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

Start waist: 48″

Start hips: 55″

A small loss this week of 0.5lbs. Somewhat disappointing, but it is a loss. Based on what has been happening in the past weeks I knew that it would be a small loss again as that seems to be what my body is doing lately. I am very glad that I had loss and not a zero or a gain.

Once again I am smaller now than I have been in 5 years. It's pretty cool to be able to say that - I think I'll be saying that a lot from now on. You'll have to allow me some time to get used to the idea. I have to get it into my head that this is how it is going to be from now on. I never want to be where I was 5 months ago at my highest weight. I was uncomfortable in my own skin and did not really feel like myself. I am also smaller now than when I first met my Westley. He is also looking pretty good these days. Soon he should be out of the 400's and hopefully by the end of the year he will be out of the 300's as well. He is feeling so much better these days - his pants are falling off of him as well! We have to go through our boxes now to pull out our smaller clothes. It is an awesome feeling that we have to find SMALLER clothes now instead of praying that we can still fit into our clothes. I am sure that some of you out there have had that prayer go through your mind. I know how much it hurts and honestly if you haven't started on this journey to being fit I really encourage you to start. It feels so much better now.

I have been given a homework assignment by coach Michelle and it is to do with my monthly Add and Delete. I did not do as well as I had hoped and my physical activity was lacking. So once again I am trying to get in at least 300cal of activity before 18:00. My assignment is to email Michelle by 18:00 and let her know what I have done for physical activity that day. We'll see how it goes.

Be well,
Buttercup

Miracle Max: Thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice papercut and pour lemon juice on it?

HMR week 15

2010-01-28T18:13:00.000-08:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 227.5lbs or 103.4kg or 16st 3.5lb

Start BMI: 42.3

End BMI: let’s hope this is in the healthy range!

Total loss: 2st 11lbs or 39lbs or 17.7kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

Start waist: 48″

Start hips: 55″

Tadaaa - 4lbs down! wahooo! I now have less than 90lbs until I hit my goal weight. The sad thing is that it has been 5 years since I was under 230lbs. I am amazed at how much healthier I feel, but I still feel like the 266.5lb girl of 15 weeks ago. It's going to take me some time to get used to the fact that I am getting smaller. Have any of you had this kind of issue in your mind?

So I ate a ton of calories last week, but I lost a great amount of weight. Maybe my body really does need the veggies and fruit! I honestly am enjoying everything right now - strawberries, blueberries, celery, brussels sprouts, spaghetti squash, and oh my goodness, avocado....mmmmmmm! I love that avocado - we are only allowed to have half an avocado a day so we have made it count. Plus - have you ever seen a purple potato?! Westley tried one of the two that we bought and he said it was just like a regular potato. Michelle let us know that it was better nutrient wise than a regular potato so we may start buying these as our potato "fix". Exploring vegetables and fruits is fun! It's awesome! And I am LOVING having this much variety in my meals again!

I am looking for a vegetable only "pizza" recipe made with only vegetables and maybe a little bit of oats and a few sprays of pam olive oil spray. If anyone has a recipe or a link to share I would really appreciate it;o)

My total PA calories last week were only 1402. That is completely unacceptable. I have to ramp things up, but I need to make it either interesting or I just need to schedule it so that I have to do it. I know I talk about this every week, but it is my biggest sticking point. I know that I could have lost more weight by now if I were more active. But I am more active now than I have been in a very long time so I'm getting there.

And just to follow up on my last post - I have stuck to my meal plans for the most part. I am eating everything that I write down in my meal plan, just not at the times I planned to eat them. So yes, I am doing well, but I suck at following the plan exactly. That's just the way it goes I guess.

Be well,
Buttercup

Miracle Max: Thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice papercut and pour lemon juice on it?

Thursday 1-21-10 food plan - followed!

2010-01-21T18:46:00.000-08:00

Here is what I planned yesterday:
Morning

coffee with sweetner
hot cereal with sweetner

Lunch

entree
3 servings brussels sprouts

Snack

can of peaches in juice (drain and rinse)
coffee with sweetner

Dinner

entree
multigrain shake/cereal cookies
broiled tomato

Snack (anytime)

1 bar

So I had my morning meal and lunch as listed with a Diet Rite and a Diet Coke (only one of each). My snack was switched to the peaches and 24oz of water with a little bit of Crystal Light added in. I am about to have my dinner, but I am going to have 2 shakes instead of the cookies as I am freaking pooped. Not sure if I am going to have the bar or not - which is good as they are my just in case item. I have enough bars for the week if they are needed.

My physical activity for today was as follows: 25 mins cailsthenics, 14 mins light activity with the Wii, 25 mins moderate activity with the Wii, and 20 mins stretching. Total calorie burn per the handbook is 502cals. Which is good! Plus I got it all in before 18:00 which is part of my Add/Delete for the month. Unfortunately yesterday I was only able to get in 90cals of activity so really for these two days I am behind by 8cals. I am sure that I will be able to make those up tomorrow.

Not too bad if I do say so myself. I'll let you all know if I end up having the bar in my post tomorrow.

Be well,
Buttercup

Buttercup: You're the Dread Pirate Roberts, admit it.
Man in Black: With pride. What can I do for you?
Buttercup: You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces.
Man in Black: Tsk, tsk. That's hardly complementary Highness.

HMR week 14

2010-01-21T06:49:00.000-08:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 231.5lbs or 105.2kg or 16st 7.5lb

Start BMI: 42.3

End BMI: let’s hope this is in the healthy range!

Total loss: 2st 7lbs or 35lbs or 15.9kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

Start waist: 48″

Start hips: 55″

Alright - a loss! W00T! I am down another 2.5lbs. I transitioned from Medically Supervised to Healthy Solutions this past week and I have to admit that I am really feeling full this past week. I have been eating loads of vegetables and fruit which had up to super low calorie intakes. I am now to have three shakes, two entrees, and five servings of fruit and/or vegetables minimum daily. And it really is not going to be a challenge to eat those fruits and vegetables!

You never know how much you miss things until you haven't been able to have them for over 12 weeks. I never thought I would get so excited over being able to eat fruit, but oh my goodness! We went to Costco (if you are not in the States it's a place where you buy things in bulk for a lower cost usually - this works for most food stuffs, but you really need to be sure that you will eat it all before you buy it!) and we bought lovely strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, big tomatoes, celery hearts, broccoli, brussels sprouts, and paper towels. The berries were soooo good. I had 20ounces of strawberries one night and they were so sweet and perfect! Plus for 180calories total and five servings of fruit in one sitting, I am doing that again! The blueberries were just tart and sweet enough that I have enjoyed two smaller servings of them in the past few days. I am still loving brussels sprouts and spaghetti squash - I have one of them every day it seems.

We are in San Diego and the Chargers (Westley's team) lost on Sunday. It was a crushing blow. Also my team, the Dallas Cowboys, failed badly. It was depressing for both Westley and I. But thankfully we watched the game at his aunt and uncle's place. They were nice enough to invite us over and check with us what we could eat so that they could have something there for us to munch on. All I have to say is THANK YOU! I had a fresh peach, carrots, celery, strawberries, blackberries, and I split a banana with Westley. It was heavenly. But I did eat a lot because I was stressing over the game, BUT I did not succumb to the nomgry monster and go reach for chips or junk food. I have come a long way!

Class last night was interesting. We talked a fair bit about the horrible football on the weekend and how we all were feeling like reaching for the bad stuff, but we didn't. Everyone had different things that they were sharing. One lady even figured out how to make her shake into a fondue like thing that she dipped strawberries into - apparently they had chocolate fondue going or something and she had her own healthier alternative. One of the ladies in class shared her "cobbler" recipe and it sounds so good! She said that she puts some berries into a baking dish, sprinkles some no calorie sweetener on top, and then makes the hot cereal and pours that on top. She bakes it for a little while and she said that the cereal becomes like a crust on top. That sounds pretty good so I may try that recipe out this week! After discussing different ways of dealing with temptations and how we were doing on our add/deletes we talked about meal planning. And I am so happy that we did! This was exactly what I had been waiting for as it is something that is going to prepare me for Phase 3 and eating in the real world with regular foods again. Michelle talked about portions and calories and minimum amounts of things to have in the day. The minimums are essentially like what I am doing, but with real foods. Here is the basic equation: 3 shakes=3 dairy servings (1cup of yogurt or milk/ 1oz of cheese - all low fat or sugar free); 2 entrees=6 oz of lean protein; and 5 servings of fruits and vegetables. Those are the basic minimums to ensure that you are getting in your vitamin, dairy, and protein needs for the day. Our assignment for the week is to plan our meals for the day the night before.

So I will be sharing with you each day my proposed meal plan and how I did that day. Sound good to you? Great! (I could see you all nodding your heads - I have a vivid imagination clearly.) Look for today's meal plan and what actually happened this evening (PST). I will also share with you my thoughts on Tuesday's Biggest Loser episode and boy do I have them! Also I will talk to you about my torture and my big fails, but possible win.

Be well,
Buttercup

The Grandson: A book?
Grandpa: That's right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you.
The Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
The Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake.
Grandpa: Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.

Life's ok

2010-01-16T21:32:00.000-08:00

Hunh, it's amazing when you take a step back and take a look at your life and realize that even if a few things are kinda cap most of it's pretty good. I have an amazing husband, a good roommate, awesome apartment, still have a job which is paying the bills, and I am generally healthy. Even though my job drives me insane a lot of the time I am grateful to still have it. I am reminding myself that I do not live to work, but I work to live. I am looking into other options for work and I am working on my health by losing weight and exercising.

Financially we are struggling, but getting by. We have dipped into our wedding fund significantly, but once Wesley has work again we will be able to build that up again pretty easily. I hope. We are not late on any payments or the rent so that's great - our credit cards may be maxed out, but our payments are on time or early. And that's pretty good.

Our change to the Healthy Solutions has proven to be a really good change for us. We are both feeling much more full with less shakes and adding vegetables and fruit. I had prunes today and they were so delicious! 5 prunes for 100 calories - not too shabby. And I had more yummy spaghetti squash - a little bit of spray butter and black pepper makes for super yummyness! I am working on getting all of my water for the day - yes this is still an issue for me, but thanks to Crystal Light I am getting more water in me faster.

Slowly but surely the fat is melting off of both Westley and me. We are sticking to the program and doing our best not to go out of the box. The one thing that we are really slacking on is the daily torture/PA. We both hate it and we both know that we need to do it. I know that 30minutes a day is recommended at minimum, but some days it's difficult to be motivated enough to get your sneakers on. How do you all motivate yourself to put your sneakers on?

Be well,

Buttercup

Miracle Max: Thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice papercut and pour lemon juice on it?

HMR week 13

2010-01-14T09:07:00.000-08:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 234lbs or106.3kg or 16st 10lb

Start BMI: 42.3

End BMI: let’s hope this is in the healthy range!

Total loss: 2st 4.5lbs or 32.5lbs or 14.7kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

Start waist: 48″

Start hips: 55″
*sigh* Another week and another zero loss. I am not really sure what is up with my body. I am now at a weight that I was at for about 4 years so maybe my body is going "hey, we know this area and we like it. No more losing!". But I know that I am not healthy right now and that I have a long way to go.

On the plus side I did not gain any either.

I guess I am just disappointed that my body is not dropping the weight like I want it to especially after I have been so good at getting in my water and shakes and torture. Ok, I need to be better at the torture part - I need to get it in each day and not save it up for one gigantic go in one day. Last night Westley and I talked with two of the ladies from our class (we have all been together since day 1) and we traded phone numbers so that we can try to get together to walk. One lady lives in a mostly flat mobile home park that we can walk around and the other said that she is willing to walk Lake Murray (near our apartment) with us on the weekend. I think we are going to try to do this at least this week to see how it goes. I procrastinate with my torture, but I do get it done. Westley however hates it so much he avoids it almost entirely. Hence us trying out this plan with the other ladies. We'll see how it goes.

Today is my first transition day from Medically Supervised to Healthy Solutions. I am going from 5 shakes a day minimum to 3 shakes, 2 entrees, and 5 fruits and/or vegetables minimum. Today I only have to have 4 shakes, 1 entree, and 4 f/v. This should hopefully be no problem for me. The doctor also told me that I should continue to see a loss each week as many people do the Healthy Solutions program instead of Medically Supervised and they do fantastically on it. I hope he's right. It could be that my body really wants/needs the vegetables and fruit and I could see a dramatic change in my weight loss when you add in my increased daily torture.

On a slightly different note - I am looking into a new job possibility. It is basically going into the organization that my father was in when I was growing up. Thanks to his work I was able to travel the world and I have been missing that tremendously lately. So I am getting all of my paperwork together, writing the essays they need, and somehow I need to find the money to take a Microsoft Certification Exam so that can also be submitted at the same time as my application. My father and a friend of mine that is already doing the same job are offering to proofread my essays to help me out. I tend to panic in exams so I am afraid that if I pass the initial screening and am asked to come in for an interview and the oral exam that I am going to goof up. This is something that I want very much so I am quite nervous. Westley is also being super supportive and encouraging me to go forward with this application process. Keep your fingers crossed for me out there!

Be well,
Buttercup

Inigo Montoya: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."
Man in Black: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die."

kicked my own bum yesterday

2010-01-13T07:23:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to the gym because I had been slacking lately in the exercise department. I kicked my own bum! I ran for 45mins total, fast walked on an incline for 20 mins, and THEN I did stairs for 5mins. My muscles were so tight when I got back into the apartment! Yeesh. Westley told me to get into the shower and then into bed. I did as instructed and I slept very well last night. When I woke up this morning my back was tight and my legs feel like they have been abused...I guess I need to do that again tonight to keep momentum going.

So I have already completed one of my January torture/physical activity goals! YAY! One down and three to go. Hope to be able to get the other three taken care of in the next few weeks. I was trying to jog for 10mins in one go and instead I managed to run for 45mins - well I ran for 15mins each segment so that counts right?

Perhaps one day I will be a jogger/runner. But for now at least I can say that I was able to do it. I am sure that the hot shower last night is the only thing keeping my knees from acting up today. That and I stretched this morning. You have to love arthritic knees sometimes. My knees are still making the most amazing grinding/popping sounds when I take the time to listen to them. Awesome stuff. I do have one knee brace which tends to help with the pain, but I really need a second one for the other knee.

Westley and I are probably going to start transitioning from the medically supervised HMR program to the Healthy Solutions HMR program. We simply cannot afford to pay for the medically supervised program - we have already used $2000 of our wedding fund to pay for the program and will probably have to use more of it. I hope that we can build it back up to the $5600 we had... I digress. The Healthy solutions program is basically the same as the medically supervised program, but we are to have 3 shakes a day and two HMR entrees and 5 servings of fruits and vegetables. That's a little exciting for Westley and I as we have already added some vegetables into our program, but now we get to add fruit! I am thinking of doing a shake with fruit - probably a chocolate shake with frozen or fresh raspberries or strawberries. mmmm....I'll let you all know later if we are going to do the transition thing or not.

Hope everyone's week is going well.

Be well,
Buttercup

Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

before photos

2010-01-11T10:16:00.000-08:00

Here are the dreaded before photos:

Yeah this is me (with a little photoshopping of my head) on 8-31-09 in my naff bathing suit. I think a picture every 6 months on this journey to getting fit not fat is good, yes? So my next set of pictures should be on 2-28-10 or so.

Phew - that was hard to put up there, but it is done.

Be well,

Buttercup

Grandpa: She doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time
The Grandson: What?
Grandpa: The eel doesn't get her. I'm explaining to you because you look nervous.
The Grandson: I wasn't nervous. Maybe I was a little bit "concerned" but that's not the same thing.

Spaghetti squash

2010-01-10T22:58:00.000-08:00

If you ever want a low calorie yummy idea for dinner get yourself a spaghetti squash! Cut it in half, scoop out the seeds and the icky tendrils, and then bake it in the oven with the outside down in a baking tray at 375F for 45 minutes. Then take your fork and scrape the inside of the squash and you should get spaghetti like bits. Scrape them out onto a plate or into a bowl, spray with a little I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, and sprinkle on some pepper. Toss the mix. You can eat it plain or top it with chili or spaghetti sauce or whatever other sauce you would normally put on top of pasta. It'll be a little crunchy, but it tastes lovely!

I have been having spaghetti squash about once a week or more. It's approximately 40calories per cup and each spaghetti squash has maybe 6-8 cups of stuff in it. It tastes fresh and the pepper helps accentuate that freshness in my opinion. Let me know what you put on top of your spaghetti squash - I would love to know.

I stayed away from the evil hamburgers again today even though they were heavy on mind. I think that we may be going from the Medically Supervised program to the Healthy Solutions program because the Medically Supervised program is so expensive. If we go to the Healthy Solutions program we will save quite a bit of money each month even if we are buying vegetables and fruit each week. We will still see a consistent weight loss or we are supposed to still see a consistent weight loss when we are on Healthy Solutions. We are going to go see Michelle tomorrow to discuss the switch as she is our coach and she will be able to help us transition properly as well as give us good pointers on how to tackle the change. Hopefully I will have good news to share with all of you tomorrow about this. We'll see what happens;o)

Be well,
Buttercup

Inigo: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?

why do I keep thinking about hamburgers?

2010-01-09T23:37:00.000-08:00

For the past two days I have been fighting a craving for a hamburger and fries. Not sure why I am having this craving, but it's here and it so far has not abated. I have been thinking about it so much that I can almost taste it in my mouth. It is so weird, but it's there and so far it's sticking around. I hope it goes away soon or else I am afraid that I may just snap.

Sadly I have been thinking about a Big Mac and large fries (540 calories and 500 calories respectively) or a Whopper with cheese and bacon and large fries (770 calories and 540 calories) or from Wendy's a large chocolate frosty and a Bacon Deluxe Single and large fries (530 calories and 640 calories and 540 calories) or from Carl's Jr a Bacon Cheese Six Dollar Burger and chili cheese fries and onion rings (950 calories and 980 calories and 530 calories). Yeah, you could say that I have been thinking about this a lot in the past few days. Nutritionally these are all pretty worthless. By just having one of these combinations I would easily bypass my daily calorie intake that I have been having for the past 12 weeks.

On previous programs I have not had this kind of issue. On Weight Watchers you could what you wanted, but you had to write down what it was and count the points/calories. On this program I know that if I went for the burger and extras that my stomach would not be able to handle it and I would probably have a gallbladder attack. That is something that we have been warned about - that after being on the HMR foods for so long our bodies are processing what we put in differently.

Westley and I have been discussing this and we both acknowledge that we have a disease. We are addicted to food, to the emotional attachment that we have to it, to the comfort it gives us. I could leave the program and go back to eating regular food, but I know that I would be tempted to go back to eating crap again. Food has always been a comfort, a somewhat forbidden thing that was exciting. I was even a secret eater and by this I mean I would buy candy and chips and I would eat them in my room where no one could see me doing it or I would go out to eat by myself and just gorge while reading a book. Sad, but true. There is something in my brain that triggers me to eat bad stuff for whatever reason and I need to re-program myself. I think that while I am in this program I will slowly be able to deal with whatever it is that makes me eat the junk. At least I hope it does. Westley is keeping me from going out and getting junk food. I appreciate that he is showing more self restraint than I am at the moment. When we were on our third week of the program we succumbed to the nomgry monster and we had a pizza. It tasted like crap. No, I take that back. The pizza was ok, but it didn't taste as good as we thought it would. I had a no loss week after that and Westley lost just a few pounds. It was a wake up to me that I needed to have stronger will power.

I am trying to remind myself that nothing is going to taste as good as I will feel when I am fit. I keep telling myself that over and over again. And the hamburgers keep fighting back too. I am going to go have a triple shake to see if that helps at all. I'll let you all know if I was able to keep the nomgry monster at bay.

p.s. If you need to find out what nomgry is I recommend going to LOLcats and going through the archives to figure it out;o)

HMR week 12

2010-01-07T18:30:00.000-08:00

Woohoo! I am officially down another 6lbs. Here are my official stats:

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 234lbs or106.3kg or 16st 10lb

Start BMI: 42.3

End BMI: let’s hope this is in the healthy range!

Total loss: 2st 4.5lbs or 32.5lbs or 14.7kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

Start waist: 48″

Start hips: 55″

I am very proud of myself! I was so worried when I had my third zero loss last week, but apparently my body needed some time to catch up on dropping the pounds. I am still at a loss as to how or why that happened, but I guess it happens.

Last night was my first phase 2 class and I think that I am going to enjoy it. There are several of us in there that were in the same phase 1 class and we have our own little clique I guess and I am sure that we are going to get close to the folks in this new group as well. Lots of talkers, but there were also crickets a few times - especially when Michelle was asking us about our Add and Delete items for the month. Apparently at the start of each month we are going to be asked to add and delete at least one thing from our plan. I have decided that I will add a minimum of 300 calories of torture/physical activity. I need to keep this varied to keep on doing it. I have chosen to delete putting off PA until late in the evening so I need to do the torture before 6pm. Tisha at A Blob Blog on Tuesday talked about her Add &Delete list as well. She also has Michelle for her phase 3 classes which I find amusing because when she talks about Michelle I can actually visualize how she says things and the actions she does. Michelle is a great instructor and is unendingly chipper and positive. It also helps that she has been where we have been, maybe not to the same degree, but she understands how some foods will call you and that sometimes you just can't stop yourself.

I hope everyone had a good day Wednesday. Wish me luck on keeping up with my Add and Delete items.

Be well,
Buttercup

Inigo: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?

Day 5 of 2010 - water

2010-01-05T22:57:00.000-08:00

I have been able to get in my water today thanks to Westley's insistence of getting at least 64ozs. I don't know if all of you are good at getting in your recommended minimum 64ozs of water each day. I know that it is the one thing that I really struggle with each day. Mostly because water is so damn boring and there is only so much herbal tea that I can take in a day. So I have taken to having very thin shakes in order to get some extra water in.

A lot of people are able to cut other drinks cold turkey, but I am not such a person. I still drink caffeinated beverages, but I have cut my intake down to only 2 caffeinated beverages a day (per the rules of the program). This was hard because previously I had been a caffeine junkie - I can tell you the names of several really good tasting ones (Red Bull is not there) that are even available in a sugar free variety. I love good coffee, earl grey and various other teas, and also diet sodas. The last time that I lost a significant amount in college I had to train myself to drink diet sodas instead of regular sodas. It was hard, but now I know immediately if I have been given the wrong soda if we are out somewhere (there is a weird fuzzy feeling on my teeth). I am happy with what I have accomplished so far and I doubt that I will be able to cut any more out of my drink list.

Anyway - I am drinking my last 24ozs of water right now for the day. How are you all getting your recommended daily water in?

Be well,
Buttercup

Miracle Max: "Thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice papercut and pour lemon juice on it?"

Day 4 of 2010

2010-01-05T00:32:00.000-08:00

Today I was trying to sort out this blog and the issues I have come across since moving everything over. Whew! Hopefully all of the bugs will be worked out later this week.

Once again I did well on getting in my shakes and cereal by baking the crumpet like things again. They are just so damn yummy! Plus being able to use butter spray is great:o) 3 shakes and 3 cereals down and I also had a blueberry benefit bar. It was a lovely food day for me. Sadly I was not moving too much as my wound from my mole removal last week was seriously painful so I watched more of Farscape's Season 1 and it is still just as funny as I remembered!

I also managed to record an Alton Brown episode where he talks about the efforts he has put in over 9 months in order to lose 50lbs. He shares his breakfast smoothie recipe and method for making it. He also has a recipe that I don't think I will try with sardines and avocado and there was another recipe for a roasted almond snack which looked super yummy. He looks good for having lost the 50lbs - rather impressive. He also gives his 4 lists - one list is what he eats every day, the next list is what he eats 3 times a week, the next list is what he eats once a week, and the last list was what he has cut out of his diet altogether. He also talks about how we have taken the word diet and now treat it as an evil word instead of embracing the true meaning behind the word.

From Merriam-Webster here is the definition of the word diet:

Etymology: Middle English diete, from Anglo-French, from Latin diaeta, from Greek diaita, literally, manner of living, from diaitasthai to lead one's life

Date: 13th century

1 a : food and drink regularly provided or consumed b : habitual nourishment c : the kind and amount of food prescribed for a person or animal for a special reason d : a regimen of eating and drinking sparingly so as to reduce one's weight
As you can see the first two definitions are the ones that really go back to the original root word. The last two definitions I would blame on the more recent trends of people being overly concerned with their size. I am personally concerned with my health and I am working on my "habitual nourishment".

Anyways, I wanted to make sure that I wrote something today that was somewhat informative...still working on the water intake and I need to make sure that I catch up by tomorrow night. Tune in tomorrow for more adventures of Buttercup.

Be well,
Buttercup

Miracle Max: Thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice papercut and pour lemon juice on it?

oh, technical difficulties - how I love thee

2010-01-04T13:26:00.000-08:00

I would like to apologize to my readers old and new for the issues that I have been having lately.

As I mentioned earlier I was able to upload my old posts, but now it seems that the pictures from my old blog are now gone as I am changing where the site or domain or whatever it all is pointed at. So I have deleted some of my old posts that were picture intensive (I may mention some goth art postings in my old posts so please disregard those) and I may or may not add those pictures back to this blog in later posts.

I am still working out the kinks with this blog, but I hope to have this all sorted out soon. Sorry everyone!

I will be posting before pictures soon and on Wednesday I will be taking on the way pictures to celebrate the end of my first full 12 weeks on the HMR program. My regular post will be later on tonight....

Day 3 of 2010

2010-01-03T22:04:00.000-08:00

I have been loafing again today, but I have loafed with a purpose if that makes any sense. I slept in because I want to start the year fully rested. Wandering about the internet this afternoon has been a load of fun for me as I have been looking at other people's blogs about weight loss and finances and many other subjects. There are so many different ways to approach weight loss, debt repayment, financial freedom, finding your passion in life, and how to make your passion your work. Yep, I am looking to improve my situation in life in more than one way.

As far as love and companionship goes I am fantastic as I have my Westley. We were legally married in the past year and we are having our "actual" wedding this year (in 9 months and 7 days to be exact) which should hopefully be fun. We are not going for a traditional wedding and as such we are encountering a lot of resistance from our families on certain aspects, but no matter - I am happy with our decisions and we are pretty darn happy.

My job situation is not great - I currently work form home which is great, but I have little to no support from upper management on the rules that I need to enforce to comply with government regulations. I keep looking for work out here, but I have not been able to find anything in the area. So now I am trying to figure out what I actually like doing. I like helping people, I feel like I could give people help with weight loss once I get to where I want to be weight wise, I also like to craft things, I love movies and music and travel. If I can find a way to do some of this or all of this in some way and earn a living at it as that would be amazing. I know that anything I choose to do will be difficult to get started, but I know that I need to do something else as I am getting more crabby each week as I keep on working for my current employer. I am certain that my current job has contributed my latest bout with depression.

Westley and I are working on cleaning up our finances. Mid-way last year we had paid back a $3,000 personal loan to my dad, paid off two credit cards and a car loan. We then took out another car loan because we had sold off our only car and you need a car in southern California as there is no real public transit system out here. With Westley out of a job we began relying on our credit cards again for our food and gas and medical expenses. We are now back up to our maxed out levels on our credit cards. We pay off a bit each month, but then we have to use them again to be able to survive. Unfortunately from what I have read across the internet this is not an uncommon situation. The big difference is that we are refusing to open up any more credit card accounts and we don't want to take out a loan to pay off these cards. Of course we might qualify for a loan that is at a lower rate than what we owe on the credit cards, but then we would have a loan to repay. I did some math today and found that if we had an extra $2,500 a month we would be able to pay off our credit cards by the end of 2010 and still be able to stay in the HMR program that we started mid-October.

As far as weight loss I want to continue with the HMR program as it has given both Westley and I the accountability that we need with a group of people that we trust who are also in the same boat that we are in. The program is medically supervised which is awesome as I can pick the brain of the nurse and doctor each week and I get told my blood pressure each week. We have a mid-week check in with our group leader which again keeps us accountable for our physical activity and our food and water intake. We are going to start our Phase 2 class this coming week which is going to be interesting. Phase 1 was all about keeping the box and learning a little a bit about food calories. Phase 2 is supposed to be more about food education and the reasons behind why we eat what we eat. Once we get to within 5lbs of our goal weights we will start with Phase 3 which is the maintenance phase of the program which we will stay in for a year. Phase 1 is 12 weeks, Phase 2 is as long as we need it to be, and Phase 3 is a year-long commitment. They have done several studies that have shown that people need to complete one year in Phase 3 in order to keep the weight off. I cannot wait to be in Phase 3 because that will mean that I am under 150lbs!

I have a huge list of things that I want to accomplish this year which I have already shared with you all. This was for me to start processing things after reading so many blog posts today about the start of the new year. So many people are ready for a new start to things and I for one intend to take action to get what I want from this new year - are you?

Be well,
Buttercup

Westley: "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something,"

Day 2 of 2010

2010-01-02T23:21:00.000-08:00

I can proudly say that I did a pile of nothing today - that's the second day in a row which is fun, but also a little disappointing. I really wanted to get off my bum, but I just could not get myself motivated. Motivation seems to be the hardest thing for me and that really is no surprise. I am an intelligent person and yet I have no idea how to get my ass off the sofa and into getting active.

I made shake/cereal "crumpets" and a pot of coffee. So I had my prescribed amount of shakes/cereals - I need to have a minimum of 5 a day, but my nurse said to up my number to 6 a day if possible so that is what I was able to do today already:o) I feel really full and satisfied. I need to work on getting in my water as I am behind on that front. That seems to be my biggest downfall - the water drinking....I can get my shakes in and my fiber and pills, but the water seems to be the part that I cannot get under my belt. Well, that and getting active - lol.

I have finally opened up my Farscape box set (I have the entire series PLUS The Peacekeeper Wars) and I still absolutely love this series. It's so hopeful about what's out there - there is good, bad, ugly, and there is also ethereal beauty. The picture above gives you the faces of most of the main characters and these are definitely the characters that you come to love as the series progresses. And all of the puppetry by Jim Henson's company are fantastic! Especially Rygel and Pilot - to say that I am amazed with it all would be an understatement. If you like Star Trek, Star Wars, Firefly, or Battlestar Gallactica and you have not yet delved into the Farscape universe you are doing yourself a great disservice. Go forth and watch the awesome!

I have begun crafting again - I have made two bracelets, necklaces, and two pairs of earrings in the last couple weeks. I have also been cross stitching again. To be perfectly honest I have no idea if I am any good at either really, but I will keep on going forward to see how I do. Westley took some pictures of the most recent necklace and both pairs of earrings. I am using silver clasps and earhooks. I am using transite and tiger tail for the necklaces and bracelets thus far, I may try to use leather and other materials later on. I have a variety of beads - coloured fresh water pearls, red coral, amethyst, new jade, garnet, onyx, and glass seed beads to name just a few things I am working with. I plan on posting the pictures of the jewelery as soon as I can.

I am proud of myself for figuring out how to move my Wordpress blog posts onto this one with a little help from Westley. I have reviewed some of my old posts and I realise that I have gone through several phases of starting and stopping on my road to getting fit. I am glad that I am fully back on the path to fitness. I want to be healthy physically and mentally. I am on the way to physical fitness, but I need to get to work on my mental fitness. I really do need to find a counselor or psychiatrist in San Diego to talk to so that I can start to get my head screwed on straight. If anyone out there has any suggestions please let me know.

Be well,
Buttercup

Fezzini: Inconceivable!
Inigo: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

massive import completed!!!

2010-01-02T19:49:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone - just wanted to apologize if your reader just got smacked with a lot of updates as I just moved my blog from WordPress over to Blogger. Hint - if you get error code bX-qm5h6h when you are trying to upload you will need to delete all of your comments from the blog to be able to import the full blog.

Everything that I had written in 2009 is now here - as you can probably tell I have a wide variety of interests, but I mainly write about my struggles with my weight and health as that is what is on the forefront of my mind right now.

Anyway, I hope that you will come along with me as I go from fat to fit and enjoy the other randomness that I will be throwing out there.

Be well,
Buttercup

Westley: "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

Resolutions a.k.a. stuff I would like to do in 2010

2010-01-01T21:05:00.000-08:00

It's the first day of 2010!
So far it's started pretty well for me. I woke up in Westley's arms this morning and we lazed about in bed for a while. Since then we have made our first pot of coffee in our new Mr. Coffee machine (thank you aunty for the gift card!), made some HMR shake/cereal cookies (tastes like a fruity crumpet so sprayed a little bit of ICBINB on each - yummmm), and we watched Superbad, and now we are both on our computers. Yep, we are that geeky;o)

Yesterday I gave you a list of what I want to accomplish in the realm of physical activity by the end of January, but I really do feel the need to give a list of resolutions, a.k.a. stuff I would like to do, for 2010.
Here we go:

get down to my goal weight by the end of 2010 (100lbs to go!!)
tone my body through weight lifting, walking, swimming, etc.
try to knock our credit card debt down by one card minimum if not all three
get my CA drivers license
go see a psychiatrist to get my head screwed on better and maybe knock this depression out
look into new job opportunites
declutter my closet
declutter my stuff
scan my photos
have an awesome wedding ceremony on October (we were legally married in June of 2009, but this is our real ceremony and celebration)
take Westley out of the country somewhere fun
buy a condo or a house (or start working on this)

Yes I am feeling quite ambitious, but I really think that I should be able to get a lot if not all of this done. In 11 weeks I have lost 26.5lbs with minimal effort - I have followed the food plan, but I have been pretty crap about the exercise to be perfectly honest. So I am going to truly attempt to get my ass off of the sofa and get exercising as much as I hate to do it. Cutting calories has done well so far, but I really REALLY need to get used to exercising as I will need to do it for the rest of my life to stay healthy. I am determined to get our debt down to only the car loan this year. If we kill off the credit card debt then we may be able to buy a condo or a house somewhere. I need to de-clutter my stuff and one way to start that is to scan in all of my pictures onto one of my external hard drives and then put the really good pictures into photo albums or frames, and chuck all of the crap ones. I have had depression for a long time and have been on several medications. I am finally on a medication that is letting me actually enjoy life a bit more and has prevented me from many a depressive episode (the kind where I stay in bed all of the time and don't go anywhere or bathe for days at a time). I know that Westley has suffered because of my depression and the aggro that I sometimes foist upon him because of it. I need to find a psychiatrist and hopefully I will be able to afford to go to one...that is the part I am worried about at the moment. I need to get a drivers license out here in CA since the public transportation out here sucks b*lls. Westley and I are finally getting our wedding ceremony this coming October. We were legally married this past summer so that Westley could be covered by my insurance. We are planning a super geek filled wedding with a complete lack of "traditional" wedding crap. I hate the white poofy dress, he hates tuxedos, and we both hate all of the "traditional" music. I also had to give my friends and family some time to get their money together for the trip as most of them are overseas and all of them are out of town. I will let you guys know snippets of details as we progress! I also want to take Westley out of the country for the first time in ages for me and for the first time not going to Mexico for him:o) I am looking forward to this, but it really does depend on the state of our finances. Yeesh, run-on paragraph much? lolz;op

What are you all resolving to get done this year? What steps are you going to take to accomplish your goals?

Be well,
Buttercup

Westley: "We are men of action, lies do not become us."

week 11 - no loss, but there is a party....

2009-12-31T06:57:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately I had a zero loss this week, but on the upside that is a zero gain as well! My current weight is 240lbs/17st2lbs/109kg.

MINI-GOALS

Here are a few goals that I would like to try to accomplish between now and the end of January when it comes to my physical activity:

be able to do 10 minutes of stairs in a day
jog for at least 10 minutes at one go
lift weights at least 3 times a week
be able to do 5 proper push-ups (not girly ones either!)

Of course I want to be able to do all of these, but even if I just get one accomplished I will be happy with myself.

Tonight we go to a friend's house to celebrate the New Year. We will be bringing along Diet Ginger Ale and probably some veggies to munch on so that we don't feel out of place.

I hope that you all make good choices tonight and into the New Year. I will post tomorrow my full list of plans for the year.

Be well,
Buttercup

Westley: "We are men of action, lies do not become us."

HMR week 11

2009-12-30T22:39:00.000-08:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 240lbs or109kg or 17st 2lb

Start BMI: 42.3

End BMI: let’s hope this is in the healthy range!

Total loss: 1st 8.5lbs or 22.5lbs or 10.2kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

Start waist: 48″

Start hips: 55″

No loss this week. The nurse and doctor said it was probably water retention or my body freaking out after I ramped up my torture a.k.a. PA last week. It was our last class with our original group so that was a little sad, but some of us are going into the same phase 2 class so we will see the same faces each week. For those of us that came every week (14 of us) we got a total weight lost as a group which was 556lbs! Apparently that is the highest number for a phase 1 class this year! Yes, we rock:o) One of the ladies in the class has gone from having to take 15 medications daily to only 2 and another has cut her medications down to only 3.5 pills a day. I personally just feel better and a bit more energetic and I know that Westley is feeling much better as well.

I had an outpatient procedure on Tuesday to remove a mole which I have been concerned about for several years now. It is very sore now, but the doctor was awesomely quick and nice. Westley held my hand during the whole thing and is ripping off my band-aid, potting on the Neosporin, and then the new band-aid for me which is good because I don't want to see the hole until it has healed. They are doing a biopsy of the mole and will call to let me know the results - crossing my fingers that I am worrying for nothing. It had changed colours and textures a few times over the past 5 years so I have had it checked a few times, but my regular doctor out here said that I should have it taken off as soon as we could get an appointment just to be on the safe side due to the family history of various cancers. Not to worry - I will let you all know what's up!

Tonight we are going to a friend's house for New Year's - we will be bringing Diet Ginger Ale to enjoy instead of champagne and probably some veggies so that we can nibble on something while everyone else is munching on other stuff. I will be posting something about my resolutions tomorrow, but for now it's time to ....

Be safe out there tonight and have fun:o) See you in 2010!

Round up of the last 10 weeks

2009-12-29T07:59:00.000-08:00

I re-started my weight loss efforts 10 weeks ago (almost 11 now) when Westley and I signed up for the HMR program through Sharp. We are doing the medically supervised plan because it is definitely safer and gave us the rigid structure that we both need.

It has been an eye opener to say the least.

I had no idea how unhealthy I was until a week or two ago when we given our health assessment based on a questionnaire that we filled out when we started the program. I knew I was overweight and out of shape, but this really put things into perspective. My total risk factor score is +40 while the average American female has a risk factor of +23. So I was 17 points above average when I began the program. My blood pressure was higher than it should have been, I was morbidly obese(by definition if you are more than 100lbs over your 'ideal weight' you are morbidly obese), and I was not eating as well as I should have been. Thanks to family history I have a very high risk of cancer (already had a benign mass removed at the age of 20) and a high risk of cardiovascular disease. My physical activity was next to nothing and I don't deal with stress very well. We get another questionnaire when we are in Phase 3 or Maintenance phase so that we can see how much we have changed. I am actually looking forward to seeing how well my numbers have improved by then.

Here is a quick rundown of my weight loss since starting the program:
Start weight: 266.5lbs/19st0.5lbs/121.1kg
Week 1: 261.5lbs/18st9.5lbs/118.8kg
Week 2: 259lbs/18st7lbs/117.7kg
Week 3: 257lbs/18st5lbs/116.8kg
Week 4: 257lbs/18st5lbs/116.8kg
Week 5: 254.5lbs/18st2.5lbs/115.6kg
Week 6: 249lbs/17st11lbs/113.1kg
Week 7: 248lbs/17st10lbs/112.7kg
Week 8: 244lbs/17st6lbs/110.9kg
Week 9: 244lbs/17st6lbs/110.9kg
Week 10: 240lbs/17st2lbs/109kg
That is a total of 26.5lbs down or 1st12.5lbs or 12.1kg!

I have a few treats lined up for a few milestones:
down to 230lbs - I get a facial
down to 200lbs - I get a manicure/pedicure
down to 170lbs - I get a new pair of shoes
down to 140lbs - I get a pair of Levi's button fly jeans (silly-yes, but a goal for me when I hit my chosen goal weight)
I am 10lbs away from my first goal and treat! I hope to make it there in the next three weeks or so.

I will be doing a post on my resolutions tomorrow which will be weight loss related as well as general life goals.

Be well,
Buttercup

Inigo Montoya: "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

physical activity/PA/exercise=torture

2009-12-29T03:25:00.000-08:00

Call it what you will I think that PA a.k.a. physical activity a.k.a. exercise should be properly referred to as torture. Why torture? I am glad you asked! On Friday Westley and I did stairs for the first time since we started our combined weight loss efforts. He did 5.5minutes and I managed 6minutes. Good gravy!! My chest was in so much pain after that - I was actually wheezing and my legs were shaking. We went up and down 3 flights of stairs in our building. I have no idea how many repetitions we did, but we were just going up and down and up and down. Go ahead, try it, I'll wait for you to come back.

Hurt like a bitch didn't it? Of course it did. Stretch, sit down, and drink some water. Feeling better? Good.

As I say in the title of this post PA=torture. So why bother? Well quite simply in order to be healthier I have to lose weight. In order to lose weight I need to watch what I eat and do PA. So I suffer as needed to get fit and to get rid of the fat.

I don't mind walking too much. It can be more dull than watching paint dry, but it's ok. Trying to get in the recommended 10,000 steps a day is much harder than people realize when they start out.

I have tried jogging in the past few weeks as well - yeesh that hurt. I don't know if I can become a regular jogger or runner....we'll see. It would be great to be able to say that I have the stamina for it. I do know that I want to be able to do 10minutes of stairs in a day. Maybe I should try to do 1 minute every 10minutes in order to knock it out? I love swimming, but am very aware that I look like a beached whale in a swimsuit. And there is the added annoyance of having to shave my legs and underarms;op

I need to get into weight lifting again - even if I just do bicep curls every day. I know that in the long run my body will be very happy that I get into the weight training again. I responded so well the last time I really got into lifting weights so I think I shall do that again. And as I get smaller the more I will need to tone my body rather than try to burn off the fat.

Here are a few goals that I would like to try to accomplish between now and the end of January when it comes to my torture, I mean PA:

be able to do 10 minutes of stairs in a day
jog for at least 10 minutes at one go
lift weights at least 3 times a week
be able to do 5 proper push-ups (not girly ones either!)

Of course I want to be able to do all of these, but even if I just get one accomplished I will be happy with myself.

HMR week 10

2009-12-28T04:59:00.000-08:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 240lbs or109kg or 17st 2lb

Start BMI: 42.3

End BMI: let’s hope this is in the healthy range!

Total loss: 1st 8.5lbs or 22.5lbs or 10.2kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

Start waist: 48″

Start hips: 55″

That's right my little chickadees - I am down a whole 4lbs this week! The doctor told me that my activity would catch up with me this week and show me a loss and boy did it:o) I am very happy with that number off my butt. Ten more pounds and I get my first big treat! A facial! Yes, a professional will scrub my face and get the nasty little blackheads off my face (and probably yell at me for taking bad care of my skin). Ten pounds to go...

I tried on some pants of mine that I have not been able to wear for damn near a year. Guess what? I got all three pairs on!! I have been prancing (yes prancing) about it them as I am so proud of myself. My blue jeans wardrobe has now doubled! Quite awesome if I do say so myself.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! I now have the complete Angel series on dvd and yes I already own all of Buffy. I also now have ALL of Farscape!! I am so excited about that:o) If you have never watched Farscape you must go now and watch some. It is fantastically funny! I was also given season 1 of Castle. After watching Firefly and a couple other movies I have decided that Nathan Fillion is quite possible one of the most underrated comedic actors out there. He does goofy and heartfelt very well and is also adept at playing the badass when needed. I was also given a $50 giftcard for Bed Bath & Beyond as well as one for Barnes & Noble. Pretty sweet:o) My brother scored super cool points by sending Wesley and I each a 42 towel that comes with a hook! That way we can always have our towel when we start to panic. DON'T PANIC! lol For those that are just now joining us - why yes I AM a geek, how do you do?

Anyways, off to nap before trying to conquer Lake Murray....we shall see if this comes to pass....

Floating Along No More

2009-12-22T10:59:00.000-08:00

Hello out there in blogverse!
Buttercup here and I am starting this blog in order to have an outlet for my thoughts and also so that others out there can read about my journey.
I will probably be discussing my weight loss/health efforts the most, but I am probably also going to discuss whatever comes into my mind. I hope that you will allow me some leeway here as I find my voice. There are many wonderful blogs out there already and I am linking to some in my blogroll (seriously have a click through - you may like them!).

Now on to the meat and potatoes of it all. I was a skinny kid, but when I 'blossomed' I grew hips, a butt, and a chest. At 14 I was a C cup already and by 18 I was a D. Fun stuff. I thought I was fat, but I was a size 10 or 12 at a height of 5'6". That was at a weight range of 140-150lbs. I had more muscle than I knew and at the age of 16 I began weightlifting and that lasted for about 2 years. I lived a fairly exotic life having been moved around the world every 2-4yrs. I spent most of my high school years in Africa. Now while this did keep me away from most American junk foods there were plenty of other junk foods available to me.

When I was 18 I started to gain weight. This was probably because I was doing my A levels and I studied more than I exercised. Also sodas and food helped to fuel my studies. This was also about the time that the internet became readily accessible so I found new ways of studying and having fun while sitting in front of the computer.

I went to university in the UK and the pressure of school, the scariness of being away from my family, and trying to fit in helped me go from about 160lbs to 210lbs in a year. There was so much junk food and drinking! No exercise regimen was in place and the walk around campus really was not enough to count as a workout. I also was in an abusive relationship so I was probably eating for comfort. In my second year I started going to Weight Watchers with a friend. We also went to ballroom and salsa dancing classes together - I got to lead, it was amusing;o) By the end of my third year I was back down to 160lbs. Then I started my post-graduate course and slowly started to gain weight again. This I can definitely track to being very unsure about myself, being in a bad relationship (again), and just not caring about myself.

I moved back to the States after college and lived with my father which may not have been the best choice for me. He is emotionally absent and verbally abusive. He used to be physically abusive, but that was when he was drinking which he thankfully quit as I got into my late teen years. He also was/is a bit of a ladies man - usually seeing or at least sleeping with someone close to my age. Delightful....Anyway, I was amazed with the food back here because it was so different from what I had been around for the past 8 years. I began to eat and eat and eat. The portions were enormous and I was brought up to finish my plate so that is precisely what I would do. I ate my way to a new high if 230lbs. And I started back with Weight Watchers in the hopes that they would get me back down to where I needed to be. It worked for a while, but I was uninspired by the group and the leader and eventually I gave up. I kept eating.

During this time I met my now husband on line. We fell quickly in love and he moved to the East Coast (where I was) in the fall of 2007 so that we could see if this would work out. It worked out wonderfully! We decided in February of 2009 to move back to the West Coast. We lived with his mother for a while and that was...interesting...She is an emotional abuser so that was a bit trying. I went up to a whopping 266.5lbs. We have since moved out on our own and are doing better mentally. We have also started on a weight loss program using the HMR products - this is with the Sharp Hospital group out here. This program is working for us! I am down 22.5lbs in 9 weeks and he is down 50.5lbs. The only problem is the expense of it all. With only me working money has been really tight lately.

So that is the quick background on me and weight gains and losses. Hope you all enjoy your ride along with me as I get my head back on straight in regards to food and other things. I am so grateful to have my 'Westley' who is definitely my lobster (that was a nudge to all of you Friends fans out there).

Be well,
Buttercup

Inigo Montoya: "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

HMR week 9

2009-12-16T04:36:00.000-08:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 244lbs or110.9kg or 17st 6lb

Start BMI: 42.3

End BMI: let’s hope this is in the healthy range!

No change this week despite crazy amount of physical activity.

Total loss: 1st 8.5lbs or 22.5lbs or 10.2kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

Start waist: 48″

Start hips: 55″

HMR week 8

2009-12-10T17:26:00.000-08:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 244lbs or110.9kg or 17st 6lb

Start BMI: 42.3

End BMI: let’s hope this is in the healthy range!

Total loss: 1st 8.5lbs or 22.5lbs or 10.2kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

Start waist: 48″

Start hips: 55″

So I did awesome this week - I lost 4lbs!

I tried jogging twice this week and my knees were not appreciative of that nor were my lungs. I hurt after each try, but I did it. I am not sure if jogging is for me, but I will keep trying to give it a shot.

I am slowly but surely getting more used to daily activity which is needed if I am going to keep the weight dropping and then to keep it off for the rest of my life. I need to keep reminding myself that this is something that I need to do for the rest of my life so that I don't end up middle aged and fat.

I am also trying to retrain my brain about food. It may sound a little silly, but I am still craving really crappy foods - I am totally craving Wendy's fries with a frosty. I could list a ton of food here that I am totally craving, but it is better that I don't as that could possibly lead to some out of the box eating and I don't want that again. Once was enough to scare me straight.

For the next few weeks I am going to be doing mainly shakes and one benefit bar a day. This is for two reasons. The first reason is that I want to kick start my body into a more substantial weight loss. We are making shake muffins occasionally so that we are not tempted to go eat some bread and it helps to get shakes in when you really don't feel like drinking any more water or anything. The second reason that I am doing mainly shakes and benefit bars is because it is cheaper. We are strapped for cash right now as we are reaching the end of the space on our credit cards and Wesley has been unable to get a job as yet (but that should soon be changing!). This is one big issue about this program - the cost is so high, but the classes and support structure help so much....sucks to have to have this money issue, but that's the way it is.

14lbs to go before my first mini-goal is met. Not sure if I will get it done by New Year's Eve, but if I crank things up a notch I just might get it done! Let's hope that I am successful - if I am successful I will get a facial to celebrate! I am giving myself a treat when I get down to 230, 200, 170, and 140 (goal weight!!).

My treats are as follows:

230=facial
200=pedicure
170=pair of shoes
140=button fly Levi's

I will of course post a picture after each treatment/purchase. Just to show the happy on my face:o) I will also be posting pictures in my swimsuit at each milestone as I have already posted a picture of me at my highest weight. Scary to think that I will be showing my face soon, but maybe then you will be able to see the difference between the time of facial and when I hit goal weight:o) Yes, I am really looking forward to this! I really want to get healthy and the weight loss is helping.

On Wednesday we got our health assessment based on the survey that we took at the beginning of the program. Based on my answers at that time my cancer risk is very high, cardiovascular disease risk is high, my weight is extremely high, my blood pressure is elevated, and my physical activity needs to be increased. Well I have already gotten in more physical activity, my weight is going down, and my blood pressure is now in the healthy range. My cancer risk is going to stay high due to my family and personal history so I hope that my weight loss will drop me down to just the high risk group. My cardiovascular disease risk should lower some due to the blood pressure improvement and the increased physical activity. Let's hope that my total risk factor score goes down from the current 40 and it gets down to 0 or lower.

HMR week 7

2009-12-10T15:25:00.000-08:00

Highest Weight: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Start weight on HMR: 266.5lbs or 121.1kg or 19st 0.5lb

Current weight: 248lbs or112.7kg or 17st 1olb

Start BMI: 42.3

End BMI: let’s hope this is in the healthy range!

Total loss: 1st 4.5lbs or 18.5lbs or 8.4kg

Goal weight: 140lbs to 150lbs or 10st to 10st 10lbs or 63.6kg to 68.1kg

Start waist: 48″

Start hips: 55″

Here is the post that should have been made last week. I lost one pound last week which is good as it is still a loss.

Ok - now onto the results for week 8 in the next post!